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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
Today
   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
More notes
   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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Being around abusers

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:33 pm

I find myself repeating my childhood everywhere I go! I end up finding the same kind of people that molested me and hanging around them and trying to appease them by being friends with them; even tho they treat me badly! and they are bullies! Im looking for more bullies to associate with because its all I know! I was never able to get beyond them; work past them! instead; I had to appease them and people please them to stay alive! and thats what I do now; no matter where I go! Its horrible because it happens now! continues to happen!
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Because of passive aggression; I end up saying hello to these people; I dont walk away or run away or avoid; I feel scared and frightened and end up going toward them physically out of passive aggression and saying hello to them; trying to act like their my friends; in reality; I hate them but Im scared to death of them because I think Im 13 again; and they are stronger and bigger then me and I cant defend myself and theirs no one there to protect me! meaning; no family system to protect me politically or legally! Nothing! Im completely alone! And Im alone in the world and Im suppose to stand up to these bullies; cant do it; Im petrified and scared! Its also, the only way I know how to get attention; hang out with people who have no respect for me and treat me horribly!
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So; Im looking for my abusers; in fact; their the only type of people I know how to have a relationship with!
Im truly scared to death to reach out to anyone else; Im afraid anyone else would never want me or accept me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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