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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am

Could I be happy with no women in my life; I guess? I mean; seriously. I have this feeling Ill be with no one ever; and never have a relationship with anyone; I'm continually blocked in my imagination when I attempt to see my Asian soulmate. It goes on n on; its been going on for 5 years this way; and I have no answers from the universe. I assume the universe is telling me their will be no women in my life. Theirs no way...
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Right now; the only women I talk to or associate with are a very few; they are undesirable but Im so lonely; I'm willing to people please to get the attention.
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I have given up on women; or ever being with women; if the universe wants to bring them around; thats fine; but the universe does not bring anyone around; only fools. And I don't understand.
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Im an intelligent man with character and depth; no women; nothing. I have no money; Im assuming that speaks for itself.
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The women Im around; I try to stay away from as much as possible. Im in the recovery process trying to survive and thrive and get better; Im not interested in any of the women in these processes; to me they are trouble makers; I don't want them around me; any of them; they mean nothing to me; they help with nothing, most of them; some are OKe. Many I don't trust and I don't want their attention; I want them away from me. Many are neutral and it doesn't matter. Meaning; their OKE.. just like Im OKE....
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Ive tried asking out several or getting phone numbers' that was a complete joke. They have no value for me; even tho they've heard me speak; it means nothing.
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I wouldn't think of putting out myself around the rich; I have no money... I would not know where to start. I would be rejected. I dont know; I turn to the universe to try to understand this; I just wanted to be happy.. Why is the universe blocking me from being happy.
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I have problems; maybe thats it; Im not perfect; I have mental illness; maybe thats it...
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I have no interest in people who have no interest in me. I stay away from women unless they are the right women and so far; non of them have been anything at all. nothing.
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Well; Ive had a few women I connected with emotionally; but they wanted children. They were lonely and wanted to hook up with someone.
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No one really likes me or knows me. Nothing.
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In a way; I don't know any women and i don't see any women ever coming near me. Nothing. I dont see them coming near me; and I should write a blog on that; trying to specify the problem.
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I don't know what to think about it.
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However, Ive never been around any women I really wanted to associate with; Ive never been around the group of women I liked. So; maybe thats where I start; I really honestly dont know. Im trying to understand why Im here on this planet and where Im suppose to meet the right people; I dont understand. The universe does not seem to bring me around anyone anywhere.
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I have this real fear Ill never have a relationship ever with any women; never have my first relationship; Nothing. A real relationship with someone I actually like or wanted to be around. someone I found that I saw and liked.
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I dont know what to do. Its seems strange to me.
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I have a real fear of never being with a women. Not a real one; or a real nice one. But its worse then that; its being alone for the rest of my life until I die; it may be the only safe way to stay alive.
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I do not trust women; any of them; it may be the best bet for me; to have no relationships with women. I could see myself saying that as a child; seeing women that were worthless and unsafe and staying away from them; but the goal would be to get away from the bad ones to be around the decent people; the nice people. As a child I would want to run from women but with the idea of after running and finding myself safe; finding decent women to know; but I would never say that I would never have a girl friend when I grew up; that is ludicrous....
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Im not sure I understand anymore. Im the most eligible person to be with a women; Im a nice guy; a nice person. but no one wants one; the nice guy is of no interest to women; and this scares me and truly makes me sick. It does; for it is only monsters that want nothing to do with human beings.
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Ive been around women and I have no value to them; Im neither a thug or an alpha male; nor do I have money; Im ethical and I have values; Im honest Im real, Im affectionate . Im a sensitive person; Im a nice person. Has no value; nothing. Im artistic; still; no value.
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Im a nice guy and it has no value. This says everything.
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Im judged at face value incorrectly.
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can I live without women; yes; I guess; but what kind of life is this; nothing makes any sense.
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Im in my imagination; Im not seeing the universe aligning with me; nothing. Im seeing no alignment on this; concerning having women in my life; its blank; nothing.
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Im suppose to live a life with no women? that seems strange to me.. really strange. I dont understand.
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I dont understand the realities of this. Maybe I dont see the world as it is. Im not sure why the universe is not bringing women into my life. Is it the lack of money; then; why does not the universe show me how to make money. lack of goods; then why doesn't the universe show me how to create goods.
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Maybe I cant stand up for myself. Im not strong enough; Im scared. Maybe women dont see me; I dont know...
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My value has no value to them; they see a weakling; and nothing more; and this might be closer to the truth. the only reason im around the women im around is loneliness. nothing more......
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I do not see the universe helping me find women. I dont understand any of this. non of this.
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Maybe Im not man enough or women; I mean that; I cant take care of them. I cant support them or supply anything for them; they dont respect me because im not an alpha male; I dont have a job or career. Im looked at as weak.... They refuse to see me any other way. they dont see me as a real man; And Im not going out of my way to show them.... I would rather be around better people.
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Possibly; ill not have women in my life. I dont want anyone women that is not a traditionalist; meaning; she has to like me and value me and I do not find 2 many women like this. the problem is; they are lonely and want a baby; and thats not the reason I want them in my life.
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Ive been around some women that stand up to me as if their men. but their not men; they are very foolish and nothing thinking of the real outcome. So possibly; Im around the wrong women... They dont see a tough person; they see someone they can roll over...
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Ive had women like me; but I simply cannot understand their behavior; When I approached them; they played me. I thought; why are you playing me? I would ask them for their phone numbers; they would give it to me; but never answer.. I moved on. I never waisted my time ever again with them; but ill find them looking at me at times like their interested. And Im thinking; this wont do; Ill have to find authentic people who don't play games. I dont want to know anymore about them... I want to get away from them.
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I hate women that are not smart enough to understand the kind of man their dealing with. I get women that mistake kindness for weakness or mistake intelligent choices for weakness..... Wisdom is not weakness; but many women do not see such things...
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I seriously wonder what is going on here. No one sees my worth and no one cares; no one seems to understand me. no one cares; No one is really brought to me; no one cares; its not worth it for them.
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I could attempt to hang out with better people; but I have no money... I have no credentials; no background. nothing. I have no car; nothing....
I dont know. Im perplexed.... Maybe women see me as a weakling; meak with no strength.. Nothing.. You would think I could find women smart enough to know better; but I haven't....
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I have no girlfriend and I dont know why? Im not around nice people; but the nice people In the world dont want anything to do with me. I dont have any money; And this circle continues and continues ad continues; nothing makes any sense; its like I never find that oasis of friendly people. Maybe their is non.
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What I see; the universe is never going to bring me any women ever; thats what I see; Im being blocked and I dont know why? but the universe knows why?
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Im a decent person and I cant make one friend; nothing? And this is in the same vain of not having any girlfriends; Who's got the problem here... non of this makes any sense. If I have the problem; Ive asked the universe for help; Ive suggested the universe bring me a nice girl; but silence; nothing happens..... nothing ever happens... nothing... maybe Im in a dream world....
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Im a firm believer that the universe will bring them to me; I cant find them; we will find each other. I would like to believe this but nothing happens.
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Im not sure and have never understood the " Asian soulmate" concept; This came from a large inventory I did concerning soulmates; and it was completely Asian; and many other things concerning Asian women. So; I assumed the universe would bring me Asian women that were looking for me; but its never happened; Ive had no contact with Asian women who were interested in me or I would have a girlfriend by now. nothing! Nothing makes any sense. Non of this.
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What it comes to women; nothing? Im zero too them; no value?! Nothing. I guess.... ?
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I see people with houses and money and lawns and cars and boats and wives; and yet; I have nothing; And I dont understand the universe; I dont get any of this? non of this?
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Is not one person in the universe like me; does not one person on the world like me? no one? anyone? Is their not one women out of 7 1/2 billion people the universe could not correctly match me up with. Nothing? I cant be matched up with women if Im not around them... I have to like someone to be matched up with them; what is the direction to them; the pathway?
I dont understand.
Is their not one depthful person I can be with; Nothing? the universe is suggesting not one person?
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Im truly out on a limb; do I stop trying or stop imagining or give up? I dont understand; am I asking for 2 much. Maybe I am.
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I have no money; cant the universe bring me money; meaning; changing my life to where thier is money; yes? No? maybe? Nothing? A vision of some kind; something ....
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The right women show up at the right time; I have to be right with myself; but really? it has to be perfect does it! I mean; nothing in this society has worked for me; nothing. Nor women. Nothing!
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I dont know any women I would date; only one; One asian women I know of; but she is not a friend of mine. a complete stranger; I should not say I would date her; she is not datable. I am a stranger. Ive been around her; their is nothing their...
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Where do i go to meet women that I have something in common with. I have no pathways opening up. Nothing. and I dont understand! I really dont!
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I have no pathways opening up to women; it is dark and blank. nothingness... emptiness..... nothing .... zero. what does this mean? and why?
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Why is this so hard; why! no money? yes?
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Ive shoved into outer darkness.
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One problem is; Im not in the main stream of life; I have no money... I dont know anyone. I dont know how to get connected to anyone. I dont know of anyone that wants to be connected to me; no one wants to date an authentic nice guy; no one is interested...
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Women want money.......
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Im looked over; of no interest or importance to women. I do not have the attributes of interest to a women.
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I dont want the wrong women.... Im a nice guy....
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Im a nice guy with no money. Im an authentic guy with no money. However, Im a real person; Im not interested in a women's version fo what they want.
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someone has to like me for who I am. and I see no one doing this. I see a bunch of people looking right through me. Im looked over; not because i like it or dont like it; its because it true.
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IVe had some women use me; it took awhile to understand they were manipulating me because they thought so low of me that I was a zoo animal they could get away with it; unbelievable. I stopped my association with them. Its shocked me; its this feminist nonsense; bizarre....
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The people I associate with right now; Im around to get better. other then that; I know no one. and I dont see the universe bringing me anyone else.
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I know a women that shamed me because I wasn't married; she looked at me with disgust. And I thought; what about the fact Im an honest man; has this no respect from this women. No! nothing. this person does not know me; and does not know my past; nor should she be judging a complete stranger she knows nothing about. But she does it anyway. I sat their in complete shock; how is it that Im surrounding myself around this kind of fool. Why? Im serious.... why am I around people that are this arrogant and stupid at the same time.
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The bottom line is; the universe is not bringing me women; and I dont know why? Maybe I dont understand. Maybe I dont want to know; maybe the world is a much worse place then I know and the universe wants to spare me.. thats what I think. the universe is trying to protect me. But; not one women on planet earth; the universe can bring me; Not one? I feel like I should not go any further with this; Im going to; but I feel like Im getting the message that women are worthless and God would never allow any of them around me to destroy what little time left I have on planet earth; Im afraid thats the secret the universe does not want to tell me; I can feel it. Is it really so?
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My positive view of women doest not exist. Its in my head; their are no women to date; never have been; not for a nice person.... Thats the message Im getting from the universe. And I dont know what it means. " Universe; are their any nice women for me to date" Answer from the universe " NO"! !!!
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Im afraid the universe is sending me a message that their are no nice women... And Im being totally serious.... The universe does not want me damaged. Ive not met any women that ever cared about me; never. They only cared about their resources; and nothing more; nothing makes any sense to me.
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Ive seen nothing but deception from all the women ive met; I mean in human deception. they cant be trusted. Even the women interested in me; they wanted a baby because they were lonely; so; they never really wanted me....
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What creates happiness; for man to be alone? that is not right; it is crazy; non of this is right; something is wrong here... something is crooked; out of alignment in the world...
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Maybe something is out of alignment with me? yes? I guess; but I dont know?
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Maybe I cant be trusted; maybe Im to immature; maybe Im mean and abusive and Im going to turn on them the tear them to pieces; Really? is that it?
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May the reader understand; I have no beef with women. I like them; I really do. But its possible that Im looking at women from a childs perspective and expecting them to be decent innocent people; and the universe is shocked by this and keeping me safe so I dont get hurt or ripped to pieces; I dont know. As of the universe does not want to tell me the truth about women.. that they are not nice people. Thats the real message Im getting and I guess I feel sorrowful about it. Ill be lonely for ever. And Im wondering what curse has been brought upon my life; why wold the universe hate me this much.... what did I do?
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I know Ive never met any women to date ever.... and I dont like that; and it means I have to raise the bar and get around more educated women that can value me. But how and where; the universe does not show me anything; its as if im blocked of from that world and I dont know why.
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I cant date women I dont value; I have to be around the right women.....
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Im assuming the universe is trying to protect me.
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Ill write about this more; but i dont understand this darkness...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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