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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (960)
Archives
- July 2019
Writing new stories and meeting new people
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:25 pm
Can I love a women
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:44 pm
Never being loved
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:12 pm
High School
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:54 am
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Being 12 again

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:48 pm

Im getting close to being 12 again! The PTSD is becoming clearer n clearer, Im reliving trillions of scenes per hour; back drops! the more I work on recovery meditations, the more Im aware of anything that is not " here now'!
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Im slowly processing back the 12 year old into the present where he takes over! Where he is clearly here now! When he comes back; this suggests no need of the past, no loss! This means he'll do fine without his parents! or his best friend or fake filth friends; thats what I would call them; non of them were my friends! Their was a group of brothers that lived on the South direction of town; they were my friends! Non of the rich kids or popular kids; non of them! that was a lie! they were 2 faced filth! it makes me sick; they make me want to puke!
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When the 12 year old comes back, comes present; he is working on things 12 year olds do, Rc remote things, telescopes, art work, playing drums, writing and singing rock songs! Wanting to date women! or have girlfriends! But this is a healthy 12 year old that wants and will keep his room clean because he's independent! He does not need his original parents because he's learned to survive and come forward for many years without their help! so, he doesn't need them! He's getting pulled up to the present with my help and Gods help and who ever else God brings in or ropes in to help! And many have!
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Im very close to connection! Im getting stronger by the day or week! Its like a power cord going into a wall socket; its O so close! the prongs of the power cord are up against the holes of the socket chamber, their touching, some are already making their way in! ITs so very very close. That connection is the past meeting the present and fusing! and Ive been working toward this goal for a long long time!
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Many people die before they get this close to success or victory or the disposable throw away child condition! Im very close; lined up, Im in line with the socked, just a couple of inches away!
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I can feel it! Im not sure what direction to go next to secure or build more experience and grow! Im not sure; I have to work with source energy!
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One area that has to be worked on; I have to learn to work with source energy! I have to put source energy first and but source out their like a shield to sift through what I dont want and only bring me what I want! I have to learn to use sources power and stay out of the outcome; just walk away when Im suppose to!
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Another big lesson Im learning; most of the places I go for recovery work have allot of sick people! sick enough that I have no intention or desire or direction to be involved with them! meaning, why am I getting bent out of shape because Im around a bunch of sick people; I knew this before I never the doors! I haven't learned my lesson yet! I keep thinking something is worse outside of this place! and I have work with source energy to build a new life outside this place, because theirs no life their; its just a meeting place! many people have money and their lives; these meetings are not that important for social loneliness!!
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So; new strong thoughts and imagination about who and what I want around me! the problem has been, Im not sending out the right vibration for the right people! I want better people, their not turning out better! Im getting the best of the small pond Im attending! I have to think bigger and mean it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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