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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
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Being 12 again

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:48 pm

Im getting close to being 12 again! The PTSD is becoming clearer n clearer, Im reliving trillions of scenes per hour; back drops! the more I work on recovery meditations, the more Im aware of anything that is not " here now'!
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Im slowly processing back the 12 year old into the present where he takes over! Where he is clearly here now! When he comes back; this suggests no need of the past, no loss! This means he'll do fine without his parents! or his best friend or fake filth friends; thats what I would call them; non of them were my friends! Their was a group of brothers that lived on the South direction of town; they were my friends! Non of the rich kids or popular kids; non of them! that was a lie! they were 2 faced filth! it makes me sick; they make me want to puke!
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When the 12 year old comes back, comes present; he is working on things 12 year olds do, Rc remote things, telescopes, art work, playing drums, writing and singing rock songs! Wanting to date women! or have girlfriends! But this is a healthy 12 year old that wants and will keep his room clean because he's independent! He does not need his original parents because he's learned to survive and come forward for many years without their help! so, he doesn't need them! He's getting pulled up to the present with my help and Gods help and who ever else God brings in or ropes in to help! And many have!
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Im very close to connection! Im getting stronger by the day or week! Its like a power cord going into a wall socket; its O so close! the prongs of the power cord are up against the holes of the socket chamber, their touching, some are already making their way in! ITs so very very close. That connection is the past meeting the present and fusing! and Ive been working toward this goal for a long long time!
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Many people die before they get this close to success or victory or the disposable throw away child condition! Im very close; lined up, Im in line with the socked, just a couple of inches away!
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I can feel it! Im not sure what direction to go next to secure or build more experience and grow! Im not sure; I have to work with source energy!
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One area that has to be worked on; I have to learn to work with source energy! I have to put source energy first and but source out their like a shield to sift through what I dont want and only bring me what I want! I have to learn to use sources power and stay out of the outcome; just walk away when Im suppose to!
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Another big lesson Im learning; most of the places I go for recovery work have allot of sick people! sick enough that I have no intention or desire or direction to be involved with them! meaning, why am I getting bent out of shape because Im around a bunch of sick people; I knew this before I never the doors! I haven't learned my lesson yet! I keep thinking something is worse outside of this place! and I have work with source energy to build a new life outside this place, because theirs no life their; its just a meeting place! many people have money and their lives; these meetings are not that important for social loneliness!!
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So; new strong thoughts and imagination about who and what I want around me! the problem has been, Im not sending out the right vibration for the right people! I want better people, their not turning out better! Im getting the best of the small pond Im attending! I have to think bigger and mean it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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