Ive been mentally ill for a long time; not present and could not care about the present and could not care who was taking care of me in the present. Im starting to wake up..
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I saw a picture of this young women; I see her standing in the dark at the door and I way in the room in the dark with just enough light on me to make me out as a silhouette. She enters the room and stops; suddenly seeing me; its a big banquet room. She Is a women that all men want. She liked me at first before; long a go; but I just could not respond and then suddenly she switched to another man and I had to watch the court ship in horror; and I wanted nothing more to do with her ever again. And here It is; Im in this room; Its a year later; and she is standing and I am standing and she recognizes me and I her. And for that moment; Im looking at pure arrogant evil... pure satanic nature... satanic energy vs whats in me; truth; honest God energy... She gasps for air stunned; she slowly turns around as if ready to leave the candy store; and wobbles out... And at that moment I confront evil; and evil leaves and I stay. Later she will enter another room and give someone a hug... and the energy she hugs is evil as well.
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And so I learned about who I've Been associating with; who has been taking care of me; meaning; in the present moment when Im in the present moment. Who is in the atmosphere.
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These creeps do not respect honesty; only evil. And they are anything but safe... but creeps they are but it not concern me for I am in my own sphere... it matters not.
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And I begin to see who has been taking care of me; the spiders in their nests...
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As I wake up; I do not wake up to disillusionment. I attract what I am. And because Im honest; Im not attracting most of who Im around; but they still are saving my life; or have. However, as I awake its getting to painful to be around them; its like being around spiders and its to much for me.
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Im excited about my art work because of the way Im waking up; I remember being like this as a little boy. I was free to create all day long; maybe I can be this way again. Im actually seeing the opening in my mind. And Im seeing the creeps Ive had to deal with lately leave. within my imagination. Ill continue to work with God.
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The story can end their; but it wont; I have to get stronger and free'r in my personality; as it breaks open... Its never been this way sense Ive been in this small town. Im not sure whats happening accept I asked God for help. Im having to rely on God for these things and keep working with God; Im getting better. Ive asked for it.
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Changes are showing.
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So; I want more; I dont know what that means; Ill work with God and ask God.
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God is the key; when Im in touch with God my conscious opens and the light shines in.... Evil does not have this; those who are dishonest do not have this; they have a different kind of power; they choose to snare men I choose to seek God something like that. Im of no value to evil people; they literally see and hear nothing of value when they see me.
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Ive mentioned in my last blogs that evil or being associated around it is causing great problems; but now that Im awake I understand this. Im not strong enough to make the leap to the nice people in the world; not yet; I have to wake up out of the spiders nest first.
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hIm beginning to see many evil people and groups; and people within groups and Im starting to understand their evil... and that they are evil and what they worship and its not God.
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I am a good person and hopefully God will open the light within me to see and attract other good people that are like me and on my side. This will take time;
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Ill continue to work with God as my mind opens... and Id like to say more; Im not sure if anything else is coming out yet..
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So; the point is; since I was 14 Ive dealt with women that are deceptive and dishonest; as soon as any problem occurred; they turned on me; meaning; if I came back around to them; they had no more loyalty and would not work with me; nothing. They completely turned on me making me out to be a worthless no good scum bag; when in reality; I was a nice guy.... I finally understood that I was finding or attracting the same kind of people; evil. They were deceptive and dishonest. I would bet that if I dated an authentic nice honest person; non of this problems would exist and I would feel safe and everything would be back to normal.
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The last women I was interested in; same thing; deceptive dishonest; if you were to talk to her today; she would claim she never knew me and never met me; that I was a low life she had never talked to.. I would be put to the worthless bin; meaning no status within a group of people; because people like herself are looking for status... that is more important then a best friend heart. She will get a best friend; but it wont be me and it wont come from God; she will go find her own.
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The point is; Ive got to work with God on this women thing before I die.. Im always attracting women that I adore and want to love and thats the problem; why cant I adore someone that is authentic and nice and honest and not someone who is deceptive and dishonest and who will cheat in a relationship; pure evil... opportunists; Hypergamy... Whats the point; no relationship can take place; its impossible under these circumstances.
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The first thing that is happening; my heart is opening to being more out going good person. Im working on it.... thats where it starts and as that strengthens I hope to find nice people at a higher level scale.