Ill start over; start again with Gods help. Im starting to realize I didnt understand the word "friend"; girl-friend. FIrst; I start with my guy friends; learning how to emote my feelings.
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But something is wrong; Im not meeting the right people; In fact Im never meeting anyone. Not really. Im certainly not meeting any single women... Im trying to attract what I want; I guess I have to keep working at it harder. I dont know.
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So far; not of the women ive met have been outside the 12 step rooms; thats a hint that maybe ive not gotten anywhere.
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The key is to start imagining what I want from different places.. Let God bring me new people.
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All of this is to much for me; the horrible horrible thoughts I get. its horrible; flash backs...
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The last women that like me was a sociopath... I mean; I can do better then that!
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IVe become more social lately; im working on it. I cant give up; keep working on it.. .
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The problem with women has been; Im meeting them in the wrong place to date... thats what has to change.
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I also have to understand a few things; getting turned down...
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I have no clue who or what Im really looking for or where. I have some vague ideas at this point.. my whole inner structure of thoughts concerning this subject must change and become positive again or my mind is going to completely block me from getting a girlfriend; the thought are so horrible.
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My social life is so limited... it sucks.... I dont get it....
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My thoughts have to change from poverty when thinking about women; its not good. not allot of hope or high thoughts of getting women.
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I have a desolate personality when it comes to women because of how I view myself I guess.
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Most women that like me at first; doesn't last long.. they are the wrong women to associate with... They seem to have no value for me even after liking me; they change their minds...
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Ive never been liked by anyone ever; no one... ever!
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Im a decent guy who's been around horrible people; I need much better quality people. non manipulators; but the problem is in my thoughts... what I think of myself; who I think I cant get or who I think is arrogant.
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I was just talking to someone I thought was my friend; he is wealthy; turns out he is not; first thing he did was judge my clothing making remarks about my hat and caught; as if I was a fool and a loser....very interesting. its not that close a friend.
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As for women; I have to brake thought is attitude I guess and see myself worth more or start dreaming of the kinds of places people will take me seriously.
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ive never had a girlfriend ever; Im the best person you've ever met; this is ridiculous. it makes no sense; Im not appreciated or valued; nothing; its worse then this...
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So; Im not sure who will or wants to value me; I have no idea... I dont want to spend my time around people that hurt me; thats all its been...
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ill have to work with God on it. Actually asking someone out; Im scared to get my arms ripped off out of contempt and hatred.
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My life is very well stuck it seems in a little world. Id like to learn how to make it a bigger one... scary... Ill have to keep working with God.
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In the past when I was younger; I was told all the time that women were attracted to me; so that was not a problem; the problem was the type of women that liked me; that was the problem. I wanted to be around better women....
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Im not suggesting I dont appreciate women that actually liked me for who I am; but it didnt last long; they wrote me off if something went wrong while trying to interact with me....
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I think the problem is; I have to meet the right quality of women... thats the problem. Im a decent person... not appreciated for anything of my worth; nothing....
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ill have to become good at manifesting them.. I loose hope at time and wonder why the universe is creating this nightmare. Ive been told im creating this problem in my imagination; so I have to learn to think about something better for myself.