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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Back to normal? not me! the recovery process~

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jul 16, 2013 5:18 am

Im not normal, Im back to working on my recovery! Im still in the original meetings again. The original " girl from the meetings" just showed up again. I haven't seen her in almost a year. She has been told by the people in the meetings not to associate with me, that knowing me was a mistake. Im not a competent safe person; Im a joke, so don't associate with me! That is what she is told. I will never talk to her again! And that is OK. Im glad she is safe. I feel I have squared things up with God. The girl is clean and back in the meetings, I think that is all that was required of me by God. I am cleared. I do not have to know her or think about her anymore.. So, now recovery has a different feel. Its back to the way things use to be, when people saw nothing in me and left me alone!

I prayed for her 7000 times. She has no respect or status for me! that is fine. She is safe, I heard her speak. My prayers for her are answered, I do not believe I need to get involved again.

So, thats several girls that have scorn, hate, and no status for me!; just loathing contempt and disrespect, no appreciation, and not grateful to see me. I mean nothing to them! Now, Possibly I can move forward again! These girls are very good lucking and feel they are powerful, they want guys that have image... They want to look good to there friends. However, the guys they pick to go out with are worthless scum, they are not safe for children to be around, therefore these (girl women) are not safe for children to be around. I mean nothing to them, they feel happy and satisfied that they got the ( weirdo "me") out of there lives. Im sure its a sigh of relief that they know now that Im just a harmless weirdo weakling that they had no business knowing in the first place, or taken seriously.

IVe been praying about bowing out of things for awhile. I don't really want to go back to the meetings. However, thats the place of interaction, and interaction that helps with Dissociative Disorder.

The general recovery process is brutal and hard for anyone attempting to hang with recovering people of the nature I am hanging with..

I am not understood nor does anyone care! It is brutal! Yet, it is the chemo therapy necessary to come out of Dissociative Disorder. ITs humiliating, degrading at times. I am not around Psych people. Im attempting things in the real world with real people, stronger, hardcore people that do not understand or care about my psych problems. If I do not perform as expected, Im dumped, and thrown away!

It is not safe for me emotionally in these rooms, they are brutal. However, God is looking after me and I am getting the recovery that I need! I tell the truth. Im laughed at, scoffed at, written off, and disrespected. A vile attitude of superiority exists between me and the women in these meetings. I have an attitude of high status, and these people cannot figure out or accept how this is possible. This status position causes great dissension between me and the women and many others in the meetings. However, I continue to go if God wants me to go!

I am able to get the truth out. I have to let go and let God, I have no status in these meetings. The people of these meetings to not ask for the truth, they just live! And I have very little personal interest or value.
I am valued as a fixture at the meetings, nothing more...

---------------
Women:

Ive been at meetings for a long time. I have known little else except recovery people. The recovery process has been a sacrifice, Im considered nothing by most of these people. I have compliments, However, none will go out with me! Im considered a joke.

I have to be appreciated and women need to be grateful to know me! if they do not, Im not interest in hanging with them. So, where do I find such people!

The outside world scares me! They expect performers. I have no performance record. Im nothing in the eyes of society! this makes it hard to move among them! I have no status with the regular normys. However, I have had compliments about my honesty... So, possibly, if I can find the places women gather in groups, I can find new people. I will have to pray about it. It will be a new departure for me. I do not see the recovery rooms as a place to meet women. They appreciate nothing!

Its possible, that its time to take my dating studying to another level, into the type of people I want to meet. Refining the search...

I have created attraction, I have followed through with approach, and Ive gone on some dates, so! I suppose its time to figure out what type of people I want to hang with!

all will be taken to God...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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