Im now getting over the pain of being around a criminal based sociopath that I fell for because I Was love bombed.. This monsters cares about no one. its horrific... I saw her 2 days ago; she just smiled at me like nothing was wrong as I have been pulled through the ringer for the last 8 months on purpose. I refused to talk to her; she would come up to me and try to get my attention; I refused. She would say high to me; I refused to acknowledged her. She would not ask why I was doing this... I finally continued to completely ignore her. After She begin to check out and try to get the attention by other men; and this made me insecure and paranoid. I felt like I was all alone in the middle of a room exposed. I felt horrible. After a few of these events I completely refused to get near her or look at her or any kind of acknowledgment; nothing. Its all a game for these monsters. Then she brings in another guy and acts like everything is normal. Im left broken and destroyed. But Im now getting over it. I think. I was brainwashed for a while... Looking back; this is nothing more then a prison con; thats all she was; attempting to break me down to control the room... Why these filth have to be in our meetings; I hate this; they should be in NA where they belong. They are just prison sociopaths; thats all; not safe for the public.
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Anyway; all of this is going on in the middle my waiting for God to bring an Asian soulmate. So; I mixed up her with this desire from God for an Asian soulmate; and what a disaster. She looked exactly like what I was asking for... And she had shown me attention. And I went for it. I did talk to God all the time; but I kept striking her out; three strikes you're out. I kept at it because I thought she might be my friend and be the one. In the end; she is the last thing God sent me... Ill have to work with God on this; but the pain is so great that I had to leave the recovery rooms. I think its better to be married before someone goes into the recovery rooms. Im just now coming out of them. Anyway; Im all messed up. She was very good looking and would have been a perfect girlfriend; thats what I thought. And I imagine she knew this.
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I open up at meetings; so fare in the beginning it worked for me. but in the last couple of years; Its been a nightmare because of the cliental that has began roaming in the meetings; nothing is safe...
I think God is teaching me some lessons and showing me that I have to get to work on myself and what I want out of life. And Im working on it.
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I need to be in a different crowd of people; a nice crowd of people.
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I wanted a best friend and I was putting it out toward this women at the meetings; this sociopaths. What a mistake all of this has been. I was easily manipulated.... I was under the idea this was a human being. I dont know why. Life will be a lot better when I can have girlfriends again; someone normal... thats what Im hoping for. someone nice.
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Ive learned that I do not do well at all with people from the jails coming into recovery. I do not trust them at all; never have. never will. They have no honer or faith; faithful; all lies... all of it. They take over where ever they are to be the king pins of the space... its horrible.
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I think I got the message from God that I am not to date anyone from those meetings; nothing and if I want something it will be out in the real world and not brought to me in those meetings.
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Ive wanted a girl friend for a long time; Im finding; its better to have one before you enter the rooms... Dont ev er go out with someone in recovery from chemical based addiction. I forgot this.
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Main problem is; Im not connected to the outside world; and that has to change.... Im working on it. Im praying about it... thats the next step for me; I didnt want to get hurt anymore. But Ill work with God on it...
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As for the rooms; its a lesson for me to start getting my life together outside the rooms.
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As for the women in the rooms; just massive pain from being played again; I thought she was my soulmate and my best friend; I thought God has sent me someone. I doubt it. She is with someone else and could care less about me and has no conscious about showing it in front of me; its insane; completely insane. I hate going to those places right now.
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When I open up in those places; its a chance Im taking; I usually do Ok but sometimes I get nailed.