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OMNICELL
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art images coming back and other things; taking action

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm

I watched a TV show in the 60's; I think it was a British show; I guy with blond hair about 50; He was surrounded by tools; art tools and things; cream colored desks and tables to lay out projects.
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Taking action;
Ive rarely talking about this; taking action.
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Taking action.
I have a desire; So; I create in my mind what it would look like to take action; I have this idea; I want to go to the park. I then say; why? I want to sit at the bench; so a new set of thoughts shows up of me sitting at the bench. Next; a thought of looking at that ducks. next Id like to ride my bike around the park; so I ride my bike around the park in one of my visualizations. I then decide its time to go home. And its all in my head; I never left my apartment; and thats the problem.
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In my mind; I create a visual first of what I want to do; but I stay in my head. and then adjoining thoughts join the group of throughs after I suggest doing something in the real world; the action never gets taken; it gets turned into a thought and I visualize that thought; and other thoughts join it. By the time Im done; Ive lived out 100 thoughts in my head. Ive answered a thought with a question; and then a question in my head with a thought; and Ive called that living. And so; I can sit in my apparent all day long talking to myself and other people I've created in my head; talking to them and answering them and never leaving my mind. It kept me safe and in a dysfunctional environment; I lived in a dissociative state with all my needs getting met in my head. At one point it got so bad I was answering phone calls in my head and breaking appointments in my head; and in reality; never touched a real phone or talked to someone; but I thought I did.
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Heres the point; I want to change; I want to make a desire and take action. My mind is a dysfunctional thought. So; this is my next step; scary stuff. Just talking about doing this scares me; to take action on a desire; this scares me.
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Dissociative disorder being addressed:
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Im having success beating dissociative disorder. 5 1/2 years ago; I started studying success based thinking; the thinking processes of the extremely rich; those with Billions of dollars; its starting to pay off. not with money; not yet; well; maybe.
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Today in a meeting was the first. I began to wake up. Im been pushing it for some years. I write stories as ive already experienced them. How long does it take to see effects as Im suggesting; severe years of work for me. Ive written thousands of stories and affirmations; thousands. The stories are basic and small; and if you see my writing; it looks like fast gibberish. I write like this on paper for several reasons; it gets the general point across and no one knows what Im writing; its always better who slow down and write precise words for their in-depth feeling to the story and the control of the direction to the story; However, innately, I had this feeling that if I just kept at it; I would surface on my own with Gods help; and thats whats happening and its happening today; and its without anyone one from the past; regardless of being completely thrown away when young; My long suffering is slowly lowering; the intensity; its slowly going away.... Its not gone by any means; However, its going away.
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Im writing about my Asian soulmate; Im writing different stories; stories of being with her for one year; as if Ive been with her for one year; stories concerning 12 things we've done together. I imagine my pen is a phone. I left it up to my ear and listen; and I imagine a friend is telling me he saw us together and how great we looked together. And I write stuff like this all the time; everyday; with the hopes and desire and effort that the universe has to change me and make me ready for my Asian soulmate; and that is happening.
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Asian soulmate.
I do attract women when Im working on my Asian soulmate stories. They show up all around me; and in one day in a small town, suddenly I can have 4 different encounters with Asian women from nowhere... Women with an Asiatic background showing up. The problem is; thats not interaction; However, I might get close; Ive had them as close as a foot away; but no verbal contact with those lately. Im trying to make a point.
Im been up close to these women at the store or coffee shop or library or walking down the street or........
The problem is; Ive attracted women next to me but not intimately.
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I needed a way to break out; to be able to talk to anyone again. I needed the confidence to feel good about myself up and around people; and I think its happening; the universe is creating it for me; bringing me back to my higher self. And its happening; What does this mean; it means confidence around others.
I need to be with different groups to meet my Asian soulmate. I cant do it from where Im at; I have to be lifted to higher peeks to meet the kind of women In interested in; the kind of women I want are at the highest part of the tree; way up on top; Im not interested in bottom fruit. No thanks. Nothing wrong with the fruit on those lower branches; and Ive eaten of that fruit before; However, Ive been their; Im not looking to start out with someone just figuring themselves out; I know what I want; Now I have to figure out where that fruit tree is located. And one way of knowing is to start with my local fruit trees and work my way south or west or who knows.... Start!
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The point is; the work is paying off its waking me up to many possibilities where before I was scared.
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Its a great start and I can feel the relief. And its that feeling one gets when his family has helped him when young; but mine never did; they throw me away for ever... So this is a marvelous thing.
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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