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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
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A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
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She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Arrested development

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Dec 13, 2017 6:56 am

Im trying to deal with the little boy in me before you make out with women, before you let go of your father; in fact its right when you are old enough to grab his hand; and before you get a truck! Im trying to deal with this child! Trying to get this child to wake up and go through the pain, or I go through the pain and come back out into reality so I can believe I can get a truck and that Im worthy of one and worthy of women and dating!
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I have arrested development! Ive got blank spots within me that have not been dealt with. These blank spots are of different time periods! Some are bulling, some are neglect from my father and mother! some are during the developmental stages; some are before this in general neglect where I had no choice but to do nothing and watch my life slip away! Now Im trying to bring it back! Im still alive and not going anywhere! Im not going to solve these problems by drinking or killing myself!
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I dont seem to feel worthy to make out with women or own my own truck! and theirs other things Im angry about! and its all pre adolescent or pre teen stuff! it feels like an angry 12 year old!
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This 12 year old is keeping me locked into my Grandmothers house! I lived with my Grandmother when I was 12 years old! Well, Im not 12 anymore; I do have long term PTSD about my Grandmothers house and my stay at my Grandmothers house! I would like to face it and get on with it! I would like to get to the level of maturity that I can own my own truck and make out with women; I seem to be to young! My focus from the deepest parts of my heart are on my childhood and not on women or trucks; and this is starting to get very old! Im getting sick of it! really really tired of it!
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Its my brain; I would like it back! I feel like its been hijacked!
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Im trying everything I know to get my mind back so I can grow again; its an all day struggle to get the truth out so I can mature! Im working with God on it! I dissociate so easily that I dont grow very much! Im trying to protect part of self that was damaged, and Im trying to open that part of me up so I can grow for the first time! Im afraid the areas that are shut down are when I lived with my Grandparents; this means many different type of sick abuses that broke me in many ways or every possible way! and now Im trying to go back in time and look at that stuff and fix it somehow! the problem is; at the time, it was overwhelming with no answers; Im not so sure I have any answers now! However, I need me back; I dont need me constantly living during that time period, over n over n over! its horrible situation; I have to want to break this cycle of living as a 12 year old, over n over, over n over n over. Something has to stop it! Im trying all kinds of things to mature! Im stuck in arrested development!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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