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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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approach

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Apr 05, 2014 4:10 am

So Im at this store a few years ago, and I see the most stunning beauty Ive ever seen! she looks like a mis world contest. I was shocked. She is one of those girls with one of those faces. Its just is the way it is! I was halted in my tracks. ..

a few months ago! I walk into a bank to cash a check, I see these beautiful stuck-up young teller girls; and its my turn to move forward in the line. I pull my check from my pocket, and walk over to the opening and wait! My first startled reaction; its the girl from the store, she's a teller now! I try to keep my cool! I guess I really didn't care much! Im so tired of people! so I brush her off, take my money and leave. Strangely, I notice out of the side of my eyes, she is quickly looking back at me in girl curiosity! I saw it! it was attraction! But it was a solid small moment! I left!

I thought about the girl for weeks and preyed for her! I ask God about her! But nothing happened. I sometimes will think of a celebrity girl that I want to marry, ask God to make it happen. It hasn't happened yet!

After a few weeks I started to forget about this girl; then I saw her in the store with her boy friend or husband. It then hit me; most beautiful women like this have husbands or a string of boyfriends... So whats the use a trying. Im assumed this was a sign from God; back of, your dreaming again!

So, Im in the coffee shop yesterday and I see this beautiful girl talking to several other women at a table. I can't take my eyes of this one girl. Im kitty corner on the other side of the big room. My friend is sitting almost in front of me, but I can see past him and see her!

( its the bank teller girl)

To my surprise the girl can sense someone is staring at her; She sees me! I didn't think much of it, I didn't think she ever thought much of me. I guess I was wrong! She started staring at me and looking back to check me out; I know when girls like me!

When she got up to leave, she did the attraction dance in front of me... got within 6 feet of me and turned her back to me... I knew shed look back at me as soon as she headed out the door! and like clock work, she did! I was a bit shocked.. but, Ive had beautiful women like me before!

The problem; I asked God several years before if this girl could like me! it never occurred to me to ask that she be single. Honestly, I think she was out with her girlfriends having fun! and flirting a bit; nothing more. Im not sure how I could sense that; I sensed it! the dance was real, but empty! it looked like it was more for fun! and that made me feel like a second class citizen. Now I wish I had not acted so sexy! to have her attracted to me did nothing for me! It backfired. I wanted her to like me, not the way I look! I mean it was very confusing and empty.

What good is a milk shake if all you get is the glass. I wanted the shake to go with it! very humbling and disappointing and strange. I felt strangely used! but I don't think it was her fault! I don't think she is thinking about me! I think she was having momentary fun. I shall never see her again!

So its frustrating to attract married women who are just having fun ( thats not who I want to attract). Im interested in single women for dating! And I think its upon me; its getting closer! I think!

Its all about communication! its about status with others and creating status with others! Its about practice!

OK; first, its about groups; groups of girls within larger social groups. Its about who you know and how you act and how you work that room. Its about the other women in the room that now your safe that can tell the newer girls that your safe! Once some of these things are established anything is possible with women!

My biggest problem; SSI! Im not ashamed of it! but Im ######6 furiously ashamed of it!~ Ive been out of it for 30 years. Ive put in 20 years of work, and now Im getting better! Yet, how do I convey this. Actually all I have to do is make her laugh n laugh n laugh!

Reality over fantasy. One must get strong enough to experience this life! that is the key! and that is where Im heading!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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