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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (947)
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- July 2019
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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applicable intelligence

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Mar 05, 2019 6:26 pm

Applicable intelligence; I'm being rendered stupid.
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I've joined a pro level blogging sites; writers of higher qualities and education. I read a block; I write a comment; I love writing and I love writing comments; However, my comments are a mix of narcissistic banter and dislodged proportional redirect.
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Do I love writing or do I love expressing my anger and pain and everything else? Possibly I hate writing but I like the attention it gets me and the ability to express my pain.
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I learned how to blog from sites like Psych forums; a place I could express my feelings and masculinity in numbers and pictures represented through word placement. I like to through it out on the page. I'm feeling it; not thinking it.
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Writing is acting out; Im blindly throwing myself out on paper with aggression; it's a form of aggression. Im fighting the past with my aggression.
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Trauma;
Trauma; PTSD is rendering me stupid when I write. On a site like this; I'm fine being me; expressing sloppy context and feeling the freedom of it; the freedom of it is my goal.
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When I'm writing on a pro level writing site; I must use intelligence; a mathematics type intelligence; an abstract intelligence when writing and I must consider the writer and the viewers of my writing. I don't have to consider the views of my blogs at Psych forums as much; for this is a place of personal expression; it's about my personal mental health; Its about me; I have a protective wall. Im supposed to be crazy; that's why Im expressing.
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I've noticed; on different blog sites; I'm not aware of the writer of the blogs I'm commenting on; when I write; I write about my feelings as if I'm alone writing a personal blog. I rarely care about the content of their work; I look for keywords in their blogs. I want to appear legitimate. I want to appear I've read their blogs when I never read their blogs. My goal is to write about how I feel; I want an audience.
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My goal in writing has been relief. ITs mindless expression; Im not thinking; Im dumping stuff.

When writing on pro level blog sites; If I continue to be self-centered and mindless; it's an easy way to get kicked off the site.
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What happens when I write a blog for someone else. I have to stop and think; write a blog for the viewer in mind; this is a whole new form of intelligence and abstraction; it feels math abstract; I feel stupid and disconnected. I have to stop and learn how to write for someone else; knowing someone else is watching and learning and listening; Im not the center of attention; the focus is teaching others; its not about me or expressing my rage and anger or PTSD in order to find relief. A balance must be made if Im going to communicate effectively.
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I know inside I am of quality, but Im weirdo quality; and this won't do.
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The end result of the writing composition is the goal; I might have to put my feelings aside and consider the overall picture of what Im trying to accomplish; Im lazy when I dont compose words with intellegent placement.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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