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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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applicable intelligence

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Mar 05, 2019 6:26 pm

Applicable intelligence; I'm being rendered stupid.
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I've joined a pro level blogging sites; writers of higher qualities and education. I read a block; I write a comment; I love writing and I love writing comments; However, my comments are a mix of narcissistic banter and dislodged proportional redirect.
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Do I love writing or do I love expressing my anger and pain and everything else? Possibly I hate writing but I like the attention it gets me and the ability to express my pain.
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I learned how to blog from sites like Psych forums; a place I could express my feelings and masculinity in numbers and pictures represented through word placement. I like to through it out on the page. I'm feeling it; not thinking it.
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Writing is acting out; Im blindly throwing myself out on paper with aggression; it's a form of aggression. Im fighting the past with my aggression.
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Trauma;
Trauma; PTSD is rendering me stupid when I write. On a site like this; I'm fine being me; expressing sloppy context and feeling the freedom of it; the freedom of it is my goal.
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When I'm writing on a pro level writing site; I must use intelligence; a mathematics type intelligence; an abstract intelligence when writing and I must consider the writer and the viewers of my writing. I don't have to consider the views of my blogs at Psych forums as much; for this is a place of personal expression; it's about my personal mental health; Its about me; I have a protective wall. Im supposed to be crazy; that's why Im expressing.
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I've noticed; on different blog sites; I'm not aware of the writer of the blogs I'm commenting on; when I write; I write about my feelings as if I'm alone writing a personal blog. I rarely care about the content of their work; I look for keywords in their blogs. I want to appear legitimate. I want to appear I've read their blogs when I never read their blogs. My goal is to write about how I feel; I want an audience.
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My goal in writing has been relief. ITs mindless expression; Im not thinking; Im dumping stuff.

When writing on pro level blog sites; If I continue to be self-centered and mindless; it's an easy way to get kicked off the site.
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What happens when I write a blog for someone else. I have to stop and think; write a blog for the viewer in mind; this is a whole new form of intelligence and abstraction; it feels math abstract; I feel stupid and disconnected. I have to stop and learn how to write for someone else; knowing someone else is watching and learning and listening; Im not the center of attention; the focus is teaching others; its not about me or expressing my rage and anger or PTSD in order to find relief. A balance must be made if Im going to communicate effectively.
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I know inside I am of quality, but Im weirdo quality; and this won't do.
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The end result of the writing composition is the goal; I might have to put my feelings aside and consider the overall picture of what Im trying to accomplish; Im lazy when I dont compose words with intellegent placement.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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