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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Anxiety and dealing with people

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Sep 08, 2017 12:56 pm

Im starting to understand that my worth exists; its their; its present; but I have protection up against everything in the outside world because I was thrown away 2 young! I went into shock when young, and giant walls of anxiety and other things resulted as I dealt with a hostile world with no protection! Im insulted that my own country or people would put me or anyone else through this in their own land; thus, it happened!
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I come from no real background; I come from a TV background; all things I imagined to be when growing up came from TV! and if I had been left alone, I may have copied it! but instead I was brutally and abruptly given away; and that was that; I was bout 10 years old I think when it started; 9! Actually, it had been going on since birth! I was becoming aware of what was going on as I got older! no one was helping me when young; I was in a dream world getting worse!
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So, here I am now; I know my worth; many things are coming back to me; I have a big big problem; I have to learn how to relax and tell myself good things about myself and the people in front of me and the environment when Im in those situations! I find the PSTD takes me to past situations and Im reliving them when I get triggered; I get triggered from waking up in the morning and opening my eyes! So, its all day long! I choose not to stay in this situation; thief ore, I have chosen to see things in the positive and tell myself positive things about myself and the people in front of me and the environment in front of me! Im going positive! Its been working; its horribly hard work! The negative anxiety bast PTSD worlds within me; dissociative protective worlds are like hurricanes or tornados or tsunamis; they are brutal and strong and much large them me; its like be immersed in a giant wave of negative that sweeps me over and takes me away; Im powerless over it! Now, Im doing something about it; when the wave hits; and this is constant, all day long when Im in my mind or brain or outside; I start using my guidance system and god and my focuser to decide what Im going to focus on; Im focusing on the word positive! and keep at this all day long!
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I know the world around me are not all my enemies; altho I feel that way! So, its up to me to change how I feel about the world around me; the outside world!
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Im learning, when around people, to practice! Im practicing because Im worth it and I can stand on my own 2 feet enough to be present; enough to be able; just enough; its a start! I take control of the situation and decide how I want to feel at that moment; Im learning not to be triggered or influenced by the outside world!
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The point is; Im overwhelmed but Im getting it! I have the anxiety of massive pTSD but not the low self worth; Im not buying into that anymore; Its a lie; PTSD sends lies of who I am; its the nature of the off flow of PTSD; it sends out random messages through out my body and mind; they are messages coming from a place of destress; they are not representations of the real world outside me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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