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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Anxiety 1

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Jan 04, 2012 5:13 pm

The creative process

me

I feel forced, A Psychotic ride. imbalances. Justifications stretched within the middle.. A conspiracy against self. Its a Schizoid illusion.

--------------------------

The creative process creates anxiety

The creative process forces me back into the Psychotic front lines. lives that force me to dissociate. So going into the art world is like going into a war. Everything gets triggered, and Im reminded that if I cant get through the art process because of the traumas, Im back where I started from. This makes everything really really tuff... Yet, Im tuff. I will tuff it out . Reorganize , go at it again and again and again.. Trust God on my knees and keep going..

Its not about the creative process anymore. Its about the dedication to the production. That is the more mature part of all of it. The preparation for the audience to believe it is of high worth. The polish. The shine. That is the dedicated manageable adult. Not all of my alters agree...

I cant spend more then a few minutes into it. Anxiety from PTSD, Alters, Protectors, people outside of me, people inside of me. The creative process creates anxiety.

Do I accept it, do I run from it.

Their is a still small voice to create. This is the innocent child.

The quest of artistic ownership goes on..

I feel like Im 6 years old. lies,,fake smile and abandon wait for me outside.

The Forest, Christmas trees

Im all alone.!

Im from the Psychiatric class.

---------------------------------------
abandon

Its always burning,

Not so light at times.

Its always burning

------------------------------------------------------------

If I could finish a project, what would it look like...


Monsters

I think the monsters are protectors that are heading out to battle. The real world. Dancing in the real world. Dying in the real world. Living in the real world. All of life is a Television..

people

I get stuck

-----------------------------------------------------------

Answer of manageability:

I simply take breaks: Call someone..

I write out what the project is, what I expect to get from it. What it looks like.
I use examples from others completed work of what Im looking for in an end product
I create a rough draft and get started.

Its important to keep it innocent. If it ever gets past innocent, its time to go swimming... Its time to laugh and become a volcano.

Spontaneity with Safety. Hmmm... That is all I was trying to say... !!!
Last edited by OMNICELL on Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:25 pm, edited 6 times in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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