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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Anxiety 1

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Jan 04, 2012 5:13 pm

The creative process

me

I feel forced, A Psychotic ride. imbalances. Justifications stretched within the middle.. A conspiracy against self. Its a Schizoid illusion.

--------------------------

The creative process creates anxiety

The creative process forces me back into the Psychotic front lines. lives that force me to dissociate. So going into the art world is like going into a war. Everything gets triggered, and Im reminded that if I cant get through the art process because of the traumas, Im back where I started from. This makes everything really really tuff... Yet, Im tuff. I will tuff it out . Reorganize , go at it again and again and again.. Trust God on my knees and keep going..

Its not about the creative process anymore. Its about the dedication to the production. That is the more mature part of all of it. The preparation for the audience to believe it is of high worth. The polish. The shine. That is the dedicated manageable adult. Not all of my alters agree...

I cant spend more then a few minutes into it. Anxiety from PTSD, Alters, Protectors, people outside of me, people inside of me. The creative process creates anxiety.

Do I accept it, do I run from it.

Their is a still small voice to create. This is the innocent child.

The quest of artistic ownership goes on..

I feel like Im 6 years old. lies,,fake smile and abandon wait for me outside.

The Forest, Christmas trees

Im all alone.!

Im from the Psychiatric class.

---------------------------------------
abandon

Its always burning,

Not so light at times.

Its always burning

------------------------------------------------------------

If I could finish a project, what would it look like...


Monsters

I think the monsters are protectors that are heading out to battle. The real world. Dancing in the real world. Dying in the real world. Living in the real world. All of life is a Television..

people

I get stuck

-----------------------------------------------------------

Answer of manageability:

I simply take breaks: Call someone..

I write out what the project is, what I expect to get from it. What it looks like.
I use examples from others completed work of what Im looking for in an end product
I create a rough draft and get started.

Its important to keep it innocent. If it ever gets past innocent, its time to go swimming... Its time to laugh and become a volcano.

Spontaneity with Safety. Hmmm... That is all I was trying to say... !!!
Last edited by OMNICELL on Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:25 pm, edited 6 times in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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