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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Anti social; will I ever get better

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Nov 02, 2017 3:54 pm

Im dealing with a ripped up self esteem! the kind of self esteem that has been raped, ruptured and beheaded; now, what do I want to do with it! Im at this point; The focus is on what I want to do with my life; drag the dead parts of self behind me! Do I wait and heal or move out!
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Im anti social and dissociative! I think and feel but do not participate in the real world! I have learned to work with the laws of attraction and bring the people to me! However, I have to help out a little bit! I have hang out a bit; I cant hide in my room and I have to know what I want! its ok to go general and less specific! Whats my goal; to be outside where nice people hang out! it doesn't have to be specific; but it has to be different then what it is now!
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The recovery places are filled with sick people; but thats all I got! and its not enough! The recovery halls for fine for people that are recovering; they are not so good for socialization; not the kind Im talking about! I need something different; much different! Im glad I have the meetings; its not a social life! and I need a real social life!
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I have to work with source energy to fill in this gap; at least get started with it! The idea is to hang out where real people hang out and can talk at leaser. ITs possible, if I break it all down! the problem is PTSD and the past and specific parts of the past that show up; the other part is friends and money! Do I have friends to go to these places or am I alone! its all very hard! Its time I look for the best possible ending to the story and focus on that! and learn to face my fears or negative fears! I can do this; Ive been through many other things; this is just one more!
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Just got out of a meeting; morning meeting; about 5 of us; a master mind group! its a recovery group; but its acting as a mastermind group! Mastermind groups are what successful people use as a giant think tank; its mandatory if your going to have monetary success! all real searching people for success must have it! its like a giant brain and each person has their now expertise and talents that they bring to the table! ITs interesting when a topic of success flows up; you get 5 different view points and something sticks; something has value!
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Today I was told; it takes 10,000 hours for a person with PTSD to be successful! This was said because its known that people in the talents industry; music, art, writing, acting, dancing, movie making; these type of people require 10,000 hours of work to master their craft; this is a known standard! Id never heard of it being used to describe social success from one with PTSD; but I was right in line to hear it; and I needed to hear it and it stuck!
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The goal I have at this point in my recovery process is social! The ability to be successful socially that I have the calmness and confidence to meet my Asian-soulmate! This is the goal! and to be the best me I can be out and about! I would like my perimeters to build up to strengthen and to expand! I want more from my view then the feeling of being in an 8 foot cardboard box, locked against the walls!
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So; Im a complete beginner when it comes to walking out into the world wait a plan or vision; but Ill do it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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