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Another childhood

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Mar 15, 2014 4:41 am

As I come together, and heal; many new things appear. One area of concern and faint shock; another childhood.

I have, or should I say, the core has been opened to me; to the present person; the present mind. I can feel and see the core. This is the swirling energy me! The real drink! Im a blue child in blue water liquid, swirling like light energy. I am in the fetal position moving and swirling like in a slow washing machine twirling... Energy of light beaming out from every within molecule! like a dim lite blue flash light! and I can move my eyes upward through the sky, and see the child-me running things. The person writing this is the child-me!

I have memories;

I have the original memories of self: age 3 1/2 to 9 . And memories are coming forth of this time. And this is good. All was shut off to me before recovery! And at one point I could see into this other person ( 3 to9). I could see the parallel information but was not part of it. Now I am part of it! integration has taken place! and it hurts and it feels strange and stranger and good and strange.

I have worked on remembering who I was and who I am before I was hurt! And I started to remember the house, and the yard, and the stairs; and everything I loved so much and was so dear to me! and all that I lost.
I remember the front room, and the kitchen, and the outside and the backyard! I remember the 4th of July with my father and brothers!
And I remember TV when Man landed first landed on the moon! I saw it live!
and I remember the first episode of star trek in 1966.
I remember the first Beatles albums; my Indian Cousin who was older; she and I would listen to them on the record player. I think it was their second album or ( Meet The Beatles) Im not sure which.
I remember at nursery school swinging and listening to the Beatles! that was all they played in those days and the Monkeys.
And many more things I remember!

And I remember later being at school playing marbles! and riding my bike, and swimming and many many things. And hot summer nights! and vacations....

So the integration is going well! Im remembering and feeling the deeper self that was cut of! I am integrating... and this is so special! hard work! sad and difficult!

Another childhood! Something new!

Now, for the last several months as I get stronger and the core is open, and I can go deeply into the core of self, I remember things! and feel things, and feel these memories. A fuzzy tree, I can't make out the warm leaves, they are green. I am sitting down, I think on the side of a house on the dirt behind bushes and trees. It is cozy, Im sitting next to a window, and its warm, and I feel safe. But Im not safe. And the air is thick! Im a child. Im in a childhood. I do not know any other thing...

And I see flash backs within this core of violence. This violence is disrupting the other memories Ive just mentioned. As if this core has PTSD of other times.

The Horror or shock of the situation;

Im remembering these things fully from the core! and Im reliving them now as I write. And I am open and feel everything. But there is a problem! I do not remember any of this being present at the time of the other memories of my childhood. These are not just memories; this is a whole life of another child! and this child's memories are slammed in the middle of my other childhood memories.

I remember the other memories; memories of the child integrating with me!. I do not, nor have I known about these core memories. These memories seem to be at the same time period of other childhood memories. This core seems to have lived at the same time as a child with the original child-me; and I have no problem with that. However, I have never had a recollection of this core child before! I never knew and have never seen this person! Yet, the core is me! and it is in the center memory system of the other child, but separate. The 2 memory systems are not knowing of the others existence!

I can tell I had a whole life as the core person! but I have no recollection of this past memory system. I see 2 childhoods; neither is aware of the other. each has its own memory system. each is alive and well. each is long term. 2 separate lives at young childhood time periods. And the core is the original me! and Ive only been aware of the other child! the child who listened to the Beatles as a young boy!

And the other child is the original me!

And only in the last few months has this appeared. And it is not going away! the core system has had its own life with its own adventures! a life I never knew about; never saw! but it is a life that has caused pressure on me! and I did not know where this pressure was coming from. I can feel the pressure. another self wanting to bleed into my childhood self!

All is stranger then fiction!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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