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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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another blog while Im listening to Cool Shem!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 03, 2014 12:39 am

Family system; walking home, on the right side of the street, were a couple of kids in front of a nice home, racking leaves! dad was on the leif blower in the middle of the dark green smooth grass lawn! The first think I thought of was; me, as a child! and the child experience I had and was stolen from.

I had a house, a lawn, a backyard, brothers, a mother n father, TV specials, friends, a best friend! Hope! tree forts! art! bicycles! relatives! swimming in the summer, pop cycles! Grand parents! I was protected by my father! And I was a very good student at the look grade school! and I loved my life! and could not wait to make more friends and live free the way I wanted to!

Then I was destroyed! and never went home again! and my mind and nervous system were baked! toasted through brutal forms of inhuman treatments!

My father turned on me! on us all! this I was not prepared for! I though I knew this person! I thought he loved me! He did not! he had no love for all! I did not know this! He loved nothing because he had no remorse, or real personality; any more then Adolf Hitler! he was a carbon copy of Adolf Hitler in many ways! they were both sociopaths! or psychopaths! same internal self!

If you look at pictures of Adolf Hitler, you can see many pictures standing by children! the children feel safe! they are given candy and a picture is taken! the children are treated well by uncle Adult. He makes them laugh! and they sit by the fire and feel love! but in reality, are they loved!~ no, theirs a good chance their parents will be killed in a short time by this dictator smiling at them giving them candy! Theirs a possibility they will be killed!

Adolf Hitler did not just kill children in the ovens! he waisted everything in his path, including the countries he was in officed ! he was a pure contempt machine! and was out to destroy through lies and deceit; everything he could get his hands on! He was a one man band of deceptive lies and hate! and nothing more! nothing special about this psychopath accept he was an exceptionally bad person on the number scale!

German pilots said they loved him, but later felt like fools killing for him! when they realized what he was! a crazy man who should have been in prisoned!

My father was the same; My brothers and I were used in many ways that he fulfill some strange sick morbid fantasy of family life! He was not in love with us! We were simply there in his time line! Yet, he acted the part of many things! He was never anything! he was a narcissist with no conscious! not a dime of it!

This type of individual is dangerous! they lead you on to believe something, then pull the rug on you and leave you broken and damaged! they destroy children! They are sociopaths with the license to start families; and this should be outlawed! the result is death and children permanently destroyed or killed! Many kill themselves! the damage is to great to the mind and nervous system! they are being tortured to death basically and finally kill themselves!

The social path is like a wired cutting sharp knife of no conscious! when they make a decision, it is mindless; meaning, they do not care about the reckless out come to others! if others are destroyed or killed, it means nothing, they feel nothing and have no idea of remorse or history or emotional well being! again, they should be locked up!

So, I was dealing with people who should have been locked up! and the false front they created; I needed to recognize this at an early age and run away as far as possible! for the relatives did nothing! they didn’t care! and my mother n fathers parents were the creators of these 2 sycophants! so associating with them would me complete doom!

I was blamed pathologically by my father for his condition and reason for leaving the family! it was everyones fault! although, I started in on this when I was 7 years old! I did not know what he was talking about! he kept blaming everyone, saying no one was on his side including his children! How can an adult blame a 7 year old for his problems! simple, he was looking for a pathological out; like any good narc sociopath!

Im so sorry that any children have to be exposed to this! they are destroyed! its a demoralization that societies should not experiment in! It is a society crime against children, not just a corrupt family system problem!

The times I lived with my Grandmother were no better, they were worse then living with my parents they caused great pain and havoc and confusion and neglect! They were sociopaths as well, on both sides of the family system!

I was permanently abandon at some point.! I thought I was my fathers love of his life, I was sadly mistaken;’ in stead, I was dealing with a pure sociopath! He was mindless as for as people are concerned! No one exists but him! but you would not know this when I was growing up! I was getting my needs met, but not by him directly! someone else was paying for the house! he showed up at times to make everything look good and seem real!

Goals;

#1. Get in touch with the memories of living normal when young! process them, bring them in as identity! and roll from their! begin to create or re create a new life based on these old but good memories! This means the gaps get sealed, and I learn or re learn new adventures with myself and others with new developing opportunities! Im going through all the years I missed, and recreate opportunities for growth of the appropriate age; fill in the blanks!

I had a room, with football flags of my favorite teams on the walls, and bouncy spring loaded football helmets; mini helmets on the dresser tables!
I would get up and go to my friends a few blocks away! and play on his trampoline! the point; I had a life on C street with all the good things! and it was taken from me! I would like those memories back!

And at some point, things come together!

I have dissociative disorder, and could not get close to people! They could not get close! Now Ive worked hard to have this condition break! yesterday, I hugged a girl that I could not get close to 2 years ago! and it was electric!

ive been spending time around women that are friends! but dating material! its been a very good start! they don't understand my condition! they judge what they see!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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