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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1108)
- November 2020
Anxiety and dealing with the opposite sex
   Wed Nov 25, 2020 7:52 am
The work is over my head; but thats OK
   Wed Nov 18, 2020 8:35 am
Wont let the people I love into my life...
   Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:45 am
Social and feeling worthy
   Mon Nov 16, 2020 4:21 pm
Loving myself for real
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 5:15 pm
Moving onward
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:29 pm
And her vision keeps getting closer
   Wed Nov 11, 2020 11:19 am
On moving on and creating a new life
   Sun Nov 08, 2020 9:53 pm
Breaking the dating barrier
   Sat Nov 07, 2020 6:22 pm
Back to the drawing board with women
   Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:53 am
Changes are occurring; still isolated and lonely
   Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:13 am

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And I keep writing to regain my sanity

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Feb 04, 2016 9:13 am

The more the past is figured out; the easier it is to take chances again with others! However, I have a real mistrust for the middle people in society! I hate them I guess! I have a horrible miss trust for their shallowness! I was destroyed by such a group or community of well doer's! They look good on paper! But they kill and maim and hurt children so they can live as they wish!

Nice houses, pretty clothing and lip gloss! Black suits and ties! Conservative money! Nice neighborhoods! Yet, if you're not one of them; you will be hated by them; Caste system at its best! I tried to fit in within a number of areas and communities! No one saw my worth! No one cared! I was hated in several areas by many! My name being destroyed to the point that nothing remains of it! When I see others from that time period walking down the street; I am shunned! Its as if Im a perverted sycophant! Im hated with ridicule and contempt! So, the realities are much different then I remember them to be!

I had no home; no matter where I went! That was part of the problem! The only home I remember was my best friends house! And with sorrow and a mistake on my part; I had no best friend! He was not my friend but a stranger! And in reality, I only knew him a few years and nothing more! If that!

I hung out at his house as a latchkey kid! And he knew it and his parents and family new it! I was the only one that did not know it! I was hated and disliked but to young for anyone to really care! I was this small child hanging around! It did not lost long before the owners of the house started talking! They did not want me their; at their house! They started to complain about me! Im not sure what the complaints were for; they didn't like the family I came from! Or I was their to much! I don't know!
My best friend turns out to be; another rich spoiled upper middle class'm! Nothing more! I was never invited for the right reasons into their lives! They thought I was upper middle class! I was not! And when they realized this! I was asked to leave with immediacy! It wasn't direct! But when groups of this nature have prejudice against you; you must leave and never go back! Like prejudice! You are not wanted! You may leave and never go back! They were never friends of mine! I made a giant mistake! I was 2 young to know better! Next time I will avoid the situation that started my involvement with these people! They did not know me; nor care if they ever saw me again or heard of me or if I died! So, something was definitely wrong! I had no friends! I did not know! But it makes perfect sense at this point! All things will collapse around me!

I am not loved by anyone!

Exposure Therapy!

One reason I write all of this stuff! I have to learn to let go and turn to God! Im in the area of where I grew up! but their is no home for me here anymore! Their never was! Im like a ghost with no home! out of desperation I came back to this area to confront the family I came from; only to find they are all sociopaths/psychopaths! Because of this; their is no family! I am completely alone as I was at 10 years old! but I understand! I did not get hurt or taken advantage of at a personal level; these are animals with no conscious; nothing more! they are not friends of mine! I am a human being; I am their enemy because of it! I represent society that they feel they are above through superiority! and they feel they can take what ever they want from any one!

This brings me back to being myself but completely alone! and it is the " alone"! that Im trying to get used to! God takes the place! and Ive learned in my 12 step groups, how to rely on God! and Im making the big move away from the past and trust him who is from above!

I take all things to God and stay away from hate and revenge! If God wants to bring me something; he will! I do not need to go back to liars and thieves to collect on what they have stolen!

God will bring all things to me that are needed1

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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