Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1028)
Archives
- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

And I keep writing to regain my sanity

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Feb 04, 2016 9:13 am

The more the past is figured out; the easier it is to take chances again with others! However, I have a real mistrust for the middle people in society! I hate them I guess! I have a horrible miss trust for their shallowness! I was destroyed by such a group or community of well doer's! They look good on paper! But they kill and maim and hurt children so they can live as they wish!

Nice houses, pretty clothing and lip gloss! Black suits and ties! Conservative money! Nice neighborhoods! Yet, if you're not one of them; you will be hated by them; Caste system at its best! I tried to fit in within a number of areas and communities! No one saw my worth! No one cared! I was hated in several areas by many! My name being destroyed to the point that nothing remains of it! When I see others from that time period walking down the street; I am shunned! Its as if Im a perverted sycophant! Im hated with ridicule and contempt! So, the realities are much different then I remember them to be!

I had no home; no matter where I went! That was part of the problem! The only home I remember was my best friends house! And with sorrow and a mistake on my part; I had no best friend! He was not my friend but a stranger! And in reality, I only knew him a few years and nothing more! If that!

I hung out at his house as a latchkey kid! And he knew it and his parents and family new it! I was the only one that did not know it! I was hated and disliked but to young for anyone to really care! I was this small child hanging around! It did not lost long before the owners of the house started talking! They did not want me their; at their house! They started to complain about me! Im not sure what the complaints were for; they didn't like the family I came from! Or I was their to much! I don't know!
My best friend turns out to be; another rich spoiled upper middle class'm! Nothing more! I was never invited for the right reasons into their lives! They thought I was upper middle class! I was not! And when they realized this! I was asked to leave with immediacy! It wasn't direct! But when groups of this nature have prejudice against you; you must leave and never go back! Like prejudice! You are not wanted! You may leave and never go back! They were never friends of mine! I made a giant mistake! I was 2 young to know better! Next time I will avoid the situation that started my involvement with these people! They did not know me; nor care if they ever saw me again or heard of me or if I died! So, something was definitely wrong! I had no friends! I did not know! But it makes perfect sense at this point! All things will collapse around me!

I am not loved by anyone!

Exposure Therapy!

One reason I write all of this stuff! I have to learn to let go and turn to God! Im in the area of where I grew up! but their is no home for me here anymore! Their never was! Im like a ghost with no home! out of desperation I came back to this area to confront the family I came from; only to find they are all sociopaths/psychopaths! Because of this; their is no family! I am completely alone as I was at 10 years old! but I understand! I did not get hurt or taken advantage of at a personal level; these are animals with no conscious; nothing more! they are not friends of mine! I am a human being; I am their enemy because of it! I represent society that they feel they are above through superiority! and they feel they can take what ever they want from any one!

This brings me back to being myself but completely alone! and it is the " alone"! that Im trying to get used to! God takes the place! and Ive learned in my 12 step groups, how to rely on God! and Im making the big move away from the past and trust him who is from above!

I take all things to God and stay away from hate and revenge! If God wants to bring me something; he will! I do not need to go back to liars and thieves to collect on what they have stolen!

God will bring all things to me that are needed1

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 3535 times

Who is online

Registered users: Amythyst, anonymouswom, ArbreMonde, Aries411, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, covertunsure, EllaBlack, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, heracles, jay456, MakersDozn, MSN [Bot], Sarandipity, SomeDude007, ViniStonemoss