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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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An awareness

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Feb 23, 2013 9:39 am

She would have been my best friend...

The girl from the meetings slowly unfolds.. She would have been my wife... She would have been my best friend.. in a perfect world, many things would have come to pass. However, this is not a perfect world. Thus, I will be spending several years unfolding this event; ( not all day long!~) I don't spend all day on this. I have to spend some part of the day on this event that happened several months ago, its Gods orders!...

It was pointed out to me at a Christian meeting. Someone giving a testimony talked about there wife, how she was there best friend; Then it slammed me. The reason for attraction is not hooking up, the reason is that friendship and the quality of that friendship; Amazing! For a dissociative like me, all of these things were hidden, now they are being revealed. Its hard, very hard. I will not see this girl again. Im afraid what Im learning is the main interest of this past encounter. All the players are gone and will never return; all past tense.

What Im learning is like an excavation dig into my own past. The jewels are under the ground, they must be dug up through the dirt to be found. Im sure its all a God thing.

Im slowly moving forward into new territory... New people, places, and things.

I will need a new church.....

I will need a new place to practice my music.. Im going to have to pray about this. God has to help!

----
Im dealing with silly stupid people. They cause great harm. They know nothing! Do I get involved and help them. I don't think so! They have lessons to learn. God has told me to let them think what they want and stay out of the rest.

My life has been to butchered and mangled and yet; ( here I am).. Im arriving; again!, at another destination. Who knows what this adventure is! What a life. What a strange life. God is or has, or is returning my life to me.. Its a gift.. I believe he is doing this because it was stolen from me, and I turned to him for help! The universe is bending in my direction! I asked for help. I got help.
---
Starting conversations is my next hurdle. This is where my work is. This is in the face of the PTSD. However, Ive been working on this for a long time. Slowly the walls are coming down...

To think I could be returning to normal. Normal in this case means a working model for PTSD and functional living; its amazing!...

I don't miss my past life or those from it. They murdered me. What you owned was more important then who you are, and those people will be put in front of God and judged for the murdering of others. IT is better in the long run that I do not know them, for they are murderers. The blood they have spilt cries from the grounds of there mis deeds.

As you climb back to life, or it is brought back to you, crimes will be committed against you; social crimes. You cannot escape these; for as you move through, down your journey, you will encounter many different situations, and others are watching and waiting... Manipulators will attach and attack; thus is part of the landscape.

It does hurt that I will not see certain people ever again. It was short lived. It makes me sick that a relationship cannot develop because of the lack of decency of its players.

I have to let go and let God, and learn what this means.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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