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OMNICELL
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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Alone

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jan 18, 2014 9:46 pm

I have no real friends... I have a therapist.. Ive been working on recovery, so I haven't had time for real friends. I haven't been present for real friends.... and Im not sure the people Im associating with would be good friends... So, fare, they are not the best of friends....

Ive learned that many people cannot be trusted.. Say nothing to them! if they get a hold of something I say, they twist it into lies or make me into low status..... They are players and haters and not my friends.... I have to learn to let go of these people and stay on course....

My old friends, were never friends.. I was innocent and made a mistake; a costly mistake.. Ill try not to make that happen again! its hard it hurts...

I have God and not much else...

Im slowly getting better... and its horrible hard work. No one seems to be on my side, instead people are fighting against me to gain social position! That is all they care about!

I have many people playing games with me! they are haters, spitting in my face... they think they are superior! they are not! its all a joke.. They will never be! and so I have to learn to stay to myself through my recovery process. I have to learn to stay away from them permanently... They care nothing for me! its a joke....

I have girls playing games with me in the recovery process ( meetings)! they do not want to go out with me! they show interested but have a man on the side in the back row! They are playing games, and I have to learn to stay away from them..

Im getting stronger, but its hard hard work. I need to wake up! The people around me are not my friends....

I have to turn to God and understand that others are not my friends or on my side... If I am to get stronger I have to have some rules... I have to scarifies...

Im not sure where to go or who my friends would be! Im not sure! at the meetings its safe to be me! its manipulative, but its safe! people do not question me about social security issues... or other stuff...

In the outside world, I could be judged in a very demoralizing way!

I have to learn to trust God and thank him for all events regardless of what I think of them during the time Im involved with them...

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I would like to go somewhere else... some other city or state... I would like to graduate from my situation and not come back...... and I would like to get to the point that Im confident enough to do so! that I can see the bigger picture....
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At some point, I think when Im better, I will find better people! Im starting to remember! Im starting to remember what a real friend might look like! I need better quality people to associate with!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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Comments

Re: Alone

Permanent Linkby davidivad on Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:20 pm

i hear what you are saying. i have no real close friends and it gets lonely sometimes that way. i have found that the best friends are found in the places you do not look. they are hidden gems waiting in plain sight. i have also found that i must realize what i can expect from a person and deal with him or her at that level of friendship. you can also MAKE friends from situations that require an expenditure from both parties. i have found that people treat investments with more value. i just learn a bit about them and see what kind of gems they are looking for and what they require as individuals. be a fisher of men.
ask the right question and the answer is contained within.
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