Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
Archives
- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Alone

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Dec 25, 2012 5:24 am

Alone:

I have God. That is about it. The rest are liars and creeps, nothing more. Those that actually think they have it going on. They are not my friends. They are a bunch of creeps. They care nothing for me. I am simply around to put the spot light on them, nothing more. Some are so irate because of there insecurities that they run when they see me.. or run to others to gang up on me.

My family system is my enemy... They have altered motives. I don't see them, I never wanted to see them again... Im not sure what they want.. They want my inheritance.. or the small minuscule amount that was left to me. I asked for none. I told them I wanted nothing from them because they were corrupt. I told them to stay out of my life...

These people don't care if Im dead or alive. ITs unbelievable. Nothing new. Many people are that way.. Evil

Im finding no one has any decency... Im with God, that is all. No one is interested in me... or who I am.. Im not sure I understand the human race. Its all to much for me.

Its not just the old family system... Its everywhere.

All 12 step groups I go to. Well, not all. Some are nice people. Really, not that many people are nice. Its beyond my comprehension... Im not sure what has happened to the human race, they've turned into bugs... murders

--------
They wanted me to go with them to ransack a dying persons goods. He's a relative that is dying. the will was split up and all they could think of was getting the poor persons stuff. The guy isn't dead yet, he's in the hospital. Its all to much for me.. I prayed and cried for my father… I would have sent him a note. He is the one who is dying.

No place that I go has any dignity or respect. nothing!..

I need to find my people, and find out where I fit in. The world pulls on people to fit in, the world pull on peace . They might start out of people, they are turned. they turn into vampires. I mean nothing to people. I mean something to God. The child in me gets closer to God.. As I recede from this world.

I don't want this happening again, like before. The child in me and God connected almost completely, that is because I was dying.. and I was very close to leaving. Now the child in me is leaving again to God. That is because of the traumas I have recently been through.. I must have a deeper relationship with God, and stay away from others, and stay out of this world. I am with God and I am with peace, as God has revealed many things that children now… But greatness had forgotten.


In every direction do I see these vampire people. They are around me everywhere. How they look to others, and judging according to the worlds standards, that is all that matters to them.

Ive tried to fit in with people like this.. No more. ITs not working. They are idiots... Its all to much for me. All they care about is " Where you work" How you fit into the popular set. they care nothing about there own countries children dying!, they care about nothing... Murderers, that is all these people are to me. Murderers in one from or another. you are what you worship... Evil.. The world worships Evil and takes the innocent by force.

======
I fell in love with a girl from my meetings. The child in me fell in love with her. The adult never trusted her and never will. And I was right. Unfortunately I end up with not the girl.. I still have God.

The girl is a player that likes hansom weak men. Men that play the part put have no integrity. Men that must cling to her as a mother... Actors... I wanted a women, not a drug dealer, dealing out her manipulations..

The truth is she liked me... F@ck! What a beautiful young girl she was...

The PTSD stuck me. I could not respond to her. She tried and tried and tried to say hello, and get close. I said nothing, this went on for a month and 1/2 after the dance. She then had women's scorn for me, However, I could see the rejection in her eyes. The hurt, Then she went cold a few weeks ago, She was already seeing someone else, and I could see the guilt in her eyes when she looked at me.. She was trying to hide something… I meant nothing to her… I was a joke to her.

I wondered why she did not try to inquire as to why I could not respond to her. She would not inquire. She chose not to. She moved on instead… ( worthless)!

When I am not respected for who I am, I can tell. I shut down…

I am right with God: only because, after making a million mistakes I go back to him on my knees and pray to him, and he loves me! These people might be right with God… I don't know. I am not perfect with God. I make all kinds of mistakes, then I must take them back to God. I am so immature… So many people have no compassion… they have nothing. God loves me even tho I make 10000 mistakes with his people and with myself. He knows I tried.. I was not good enough for people. They are perfect. They make no mistakes. They think they have it going on.. I am lowly of heart. I am no good, not good enough for people. I make 1 mistake with you, and you judge me and throw me away with pride, I make 1000 mistakes with you; you scoff and dismiss me as being better then. In your world of elitism, I am condemned to death…

God laughs, and picks me up and throws me up and down because he loves me… These other people don't.. and they never will. I pray to find the right people to associate with that are more real. I am better then that, better then to be judged for my mistakes. I should be loved a 1000 million times. I have the right to make 10 trillion mistakes all this life long, and laugh and trip , and fall, and bounce and flip and everything…

It is heart breaking when others abandon me to die: It is there intent to murder me, because murderers are what they are, and it is the blood of murder that they crave. It could be soul blood.. Blood is blood. murderers they be, and thus they will show there faces, It is the father of lies that they pray to and worship. They worship him because they act out what he deems, even if they don't know it..

I have God. That is about it. The rest are liars and creeps, nothing more. Those that actually think they have it going on. They are not my friends. They are a bunch of liars. They care nothing for me. I am simply around to put the spot light on them, nothing more. Some are so irate because of there insecurities that they run when they see me.. or run to others to gang up on me.
--------

My past family system is my enemy... They have altered motives. I don't see them, I never wanted to see them again... Im not sure what they want.. They want my inheritance.. or the small minuscule amount that was left to me. I asked for none. I told them I wanted nothing from them because they were corrupt. I told them to stay out of my life... I have God, I don't need these stupid people in my life.

These people don't care if Im dead or alive. ITs unbelievable. Nothing new. Many people are that way..

Im finding no one has any decency... Im with God, that is all. No one is interested in me... or who I am.. Im not sure I understand the human race. Its all to much for me.

Its not just the old family system... Its everywhere.

All 12 step groups I go to. Well, not all. Some are nice people. Really, not that many people are nice. Its beyond my comprehension... Im not sure what has happened to the human race, they've turned into bugs... They are murderers.

I have God.. I have to remember this..

I believe I am in Gods plan. As long as I go back to God in exhaustion. As long as I go back.

If anyone wanted to inquire as to who I am or my motives or my intent. I would gladly tell them. Why is it, that if one is to be intimate with me, they have no understanding or interest in me. They cannot even lift there hand from the bowl to there mouth to eat the truth.. They claim it is to hard.

I lion was in the street and it scared them, that is why they could not cross. So they claim. They are un-motivated because they care for nothing. And I am the nothing they care nothing about…

I take all things to God…. I pray that I can be in a place of lowly meekness and people of the same. I cannot help but make a 1000 mistakes all day long. The rest of the world throws me away as a laughing stock. It seems only the good people recognize me. The innocent people. And even with them I fumble all things.. I just need gentle people of lowly grace. No more mean people.. or important people.

--------

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 4776 times

Who is online

Registered users: Amythyst, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], covertunsure, fakeopportunities, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, hey25, IainEtc, LukeFilm43, Majestic-12 [Bot], MSN [Bot], Notlookingback, OwlWizdom018, Riccola, Wally58