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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (955)
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- July 2019
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Allot more blogs rolling through

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Nov 13, 2015 5:26 am

Ill be writing allot more blogs; blogs take the place of people! I don't have those people accessible to talk with! and I never have! id like to believe people are on my side they are not; lots of them are against me or using me! and use others! I must understand; its not personal! that is what I have to work on! I must remember to forgive certain personalities! people that have little or no conscious!

Im still putting my trust into sociopaths! ###$! I have to work on this! I get caught up in manipulation! I get caught up with murky people! I must remember this! and I must remember; those people dont care! they feel nothing! right n wrong means nothing to them!

Ive sold myself down the river to get attention from anyone!

The 12 step meetings I go to; those people will not help me out! the exit door they shut! they know Im getting better! they go silent with contempt toward me! they're not going to stand with me and help me! but usually, one person will, and thats all you need! but its truly horrible! despicable how people act and how they act toward me! its complete contempt with no value toward a human being! I mean nothing! and they could care less! arrogantly slapping me socially in the face with is the worst contempt! However, I have a few edges that God put in place for me! These blogs are one of them!

And I have others to talk with!

What I really need is to wake up! Because the people I associated when sick are no longer interested in me as I get well! They want nothing to do with me! They will not help me become successful! They don't care either way! They just write me off like Im a weakling fool, not to be taken seriously! It hurts, its hard! But that form of emptiness wont work! Im simply to tuff to it! Its horrible to have to go through in a place thats Its to be about recovery!

I will continue to get better in spit of all this! One person on my side! A few people! A rest don't no! I must remember this!
When I walk into these places, they are phony people,trying to make friends! They are friends with each other, not with me! And Im still going to attempt to get recovery, and I still end up getting it but its hard! And they're jealously makes it hard! Or their lack off humanity and faith in others; I don't know!
I know they are not my friends! And I have allot to learn! and they laugh in my face! I do not want that kind of person around me!

I walked by someone tonight at the entrance of the building! She is someone that pulled her children away from me so I could not interact with them! It was done on purpose! She tried to make a nice 2 faced comment to me! I just shined her on and went into the building!

They are liars and thieves! And liars and thieves do not like people like me! Im more like a law judge then a drug addict! And Im not liked because of it! So, where are the people I am supposed to hang out with! Who will take me seriously!

Liars and thieves don't care! And I saw something else tonight! Several people are resembling other people I know!
I know this sociopath; and I know this women; and after tonight; watching her behavior, her actions are allot like this sadistic sociopath I know! The fact her arrogance does not match up to her education! I mean nothing to her! Thinks she is above me! yet, is not; she does not recognize decent people! has no concept of it! laughs in my face as if Im a weakling! worse; its complete indifference! However, looking closer at the individual! Im starting to see, more n more; she has no conscious! Don't, Ive found that to be a problem with people like this!

Generally, Im lonely and insecure and hanging out with anyone that will have me! Don't they don't want me anymore because I work a real recovery process and not a fake one!

I must wake up at some point to who Im associating with in order to get attention! I understand the sociopath! Don't I understand when Im dealing with one or someone close to it; a watered down vs of the human experience!

I must remember the rooms Im in! can fly against you because don't doing well and not kissing anyone ass!

So, this next journey upward can be a grueling one! one is on my side to go to the next level; and I must wake up to the fact that no one was on my side in the first place! thats the hardest part!
And the rooms I'm in! The recovery rooms! The people don't like me! Don't care! don't I thinking! I guess I needed to make them out to be like a family! they have no respect for me because they have no conscious! I will never be missed or remembered; but I must turn to God! keep working with God! I must remember, the sociopaths in the rooms; they all see me! they are not going to help me to succeed! Don't will not " be with me"! Don't will do everything they can to silence themselves out of the picture when I speak or attempt to get better! Im allowed in the rooms because the doors are always open! they have turned against me; all of them! they have done this because my naive state has allowed me to believe they are on my side in the first place; and they are not; and never were! I must wake up to this fact! sucks! Don't is the way it is!

This is the hardest part! up to the fact, no one liked me anyway and I wont be missed! Im a fool in these peoples eyes and they don't care! Don't act like they are part of the group and Im an outsider, so it doesn't matter!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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