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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1033
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (905)
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- June 2019
Social isolation; social uphill climb
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intimacy 2
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intimacy
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Identity overwhelmed
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re changing the present
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Working out of it; the struggle continues
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A new segment of life
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dealing with life from zero to 18
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Connecting to things in the real world
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Things are changing
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I have to believe more
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liking myself and dating
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Dissociation
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Love
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bulling and meditation and connection and...
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Bulling and meditation and connection and...
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Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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alibis

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 22, 2018 11:56 pm

What is an alibi ?
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In success based thinking, an alibi is an excuse; a good one, for not doing anything! " the dog stole my test", "a lion is in the street, I cant cross it", " I didnt come from the right family" " if only I had the right people around me" and so on.............
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When it comes to dating, or attracting women; I was atracting massive amounts of beautiful women; I didnt allow them to get closer. I would always come up with an alibi because I didnt feel like I was enough! This concept of " negative alibi" was so bad, I was locked in an iron fence that surrounded every move I made! I could never let a women into my life, no matter how hard she tried! I was scared of beautiful women; I was afraid they would find out who I really am; laugh at me and run away! I was scared to death; "I could not complete" I thought other guys who were successful winners had the edge! " It wasn't my fault" I told myself! "I am who I am; I guess Im not enough"; thats what I told myself! I told myself what my alibi system controlled me to say!
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Abuse; I went through a sinister murdering type of abuse! A silent intended killer! I was neglected to death! When young, I was subject to brutal silent situations of attrition that forced me to be alone with myself! The goal was to get away from bad people! I was dissociative from an early age! By the time Im older, Im destroyed! I had the rug pulled out on me many many times; This cause terror; real true fear and terror. I had no control over my own life because others were legally in control and used this to destroy me at a base sub human evil level; a form of torture!
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I have all the legitimate alibis for never having a life again; never having a normal life or allowing anyone into my life or getting close to me!
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I used to pat myself on the back when a beautiful women came close to me and wanted me and I shunned her away; I went home and gave myself a " great job, your safe"! Suddenly stunned! I realized I was loosing at life at all directions! I was trying terrified; I was loosing my life and had not solutions. Loosing my life to be safe was automatic; I could not control it! I believe it was because of negative abusive auto suggestions played out, over n over no over into my subconscious mind! "I believe what I tell myself", over n over n over! I was brainwashed by psychopaths I was forced to live with!
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Today, I know better! However, I still have this solid set of negative alibis; and they must go; all of them!
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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