I dont trust people; CPTSD. Sexual abuse and being thrown away by men and women; I dont trust anyone... How am I to have a relationship with women; I run away because I dont trust them even tho they may like me.
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I find myself in places that are not safe with unsafe people of an unsafe background and they like me. Do I move forward with them?
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Ive not moved forward with women because I do not trust them; they give me no reason to trust them... or did they.
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Where do I find safe people?
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Ive had women that want to go out with me; I say no! Im not getting involved with them even tho I like them. Because I like them; does that make them safe. My biggest fear is infidelity. Also; a lack of respect for me because they do not have the character to respect me; that is also a huge fear; thus a red flag suggesting im dealing with the wrong people.
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However, When a women wanted to go out with me; I did not respond to her. She liked me and I did not respond to her; I could not; but I did not go to her and explain it. I did not feel safe. she ultimately ended up with another guy and targeted me at a meeting I go to. So; was I wrong; no! I was right! She was no good as I had suggested; no character and a fake and I got out of their.
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I guess the biggest problem is; Im spending my time exposing fakes and not spending it finding worthwhile women to date; thats why I feel like a loser. Even the women Im judging see me as a loser that is going out with no one. Possible I need to be with a different crowd of people and Im to lazy to do that. I am lazy to move up the latter.
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Im like a poverty based middle class guy. Something. I would like nice sensitive women to date. I mean; nice people. Kind people. How bad am I willing to find them; not very. Ill work with God on this.
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The women I have attracted make me sick to my stomach; they are never very nice people. Decency is what Im looking for. Being nice; a nice person.
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I have to be a nice person to attract a nice person.
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Im to afraid of infidelity.... Im around the wrong people. Im judging them; they are judging me for judging them; they never really cared about me in the first place.
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I have to work with God to move up the latter. Im very confused. Ill continue to work with God on this stuff.
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I was rejected by the middle class people; I thought all of them; but lately; a person I grew up with who lived down the street; I saw him; he was friendly and my friend.
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As for the girl Im talking about; maybe she just wanted to be my friend and doesn't have all my hangups; Im the one making all of this a big deal... And she finally moved on to someone else. Maybe but maybe not... She was never safe and I made the right choice and moved on or never got involved in the first place. They act like whores.... and I pull back....
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Its possible that Im in over my head in the first place with these women; these women seem to end up with any man they want; and that doesn't work for me because they dont appreciate being with me; Im of no value to them.
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The answer is; their are nice people in the world and evil people. When ive spent time around evil people Ive ended up in great pain. When ive spent time with nice people; its a warm friendly experience.
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I cant change a psychopath. They dont care about me or how I feel..... Why would I be associating with them.
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I have to come out from among them and find nice people; that is the biggest problem.
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A fear of nice people... Im afraid they wont relate to me and they will reject me....
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I had a literal hatred for this last women that wanted to be friendly with me. I could not take it. I did not want her near me; she made me sick... later she will turn on me completely. I was right. She has a life with evil people. That wont work for me... I must be around nice people.
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Either way; I have to move forward meeting new people and solve the problem with women... I dont know; it might be to much of a stretch to be with women; to open up to new people. to much on me....