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OMNICELL
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Accused of hating women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:36 pm

Ive been accused of hating women; this women I know wont drop it; every time I talk with her! It never occurred to me to suggest I made a mistake talking to someone of this nature! When I was extremely mentally ill with dissociative disorder, I talked with this women for years! She continued to accuse me off hating women when I would talk about my parents! I would suggest the truth; that my mother was a psychopath and she was brought up and destroyed by her mother! I knew my mothers mother; she was a kind of sociopath! sycophant! Her husband was a pedophile. My father did not want me around her mother or her mothers husband; as he thought he was a pedophile! and my father was a potential serial rapist of women and a sociopath! Nice people! One form of evil calling the other form of evil; evil! the truth is; they are are evil; and I am not!
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The kid I spent time with asa child and assumed was my friend; his mother was not a nice person! She thought she was better then others! On the outside she appeared a nice person! However, I was judged and inferior by her! In reality, I was a decent human being! This filth was no different then any other Godless filth! One of her daughters looked down on me as well! evil!
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I call them by what they are! It makes no difference to me! Im impartial! If they exhibit evil! I call them what I see!
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I was mentally ill in college, and worked at a hotel! I remember some of the women calling me a women hater! This struck me dumb! I had explained to someone that I asked a young women out; and within 60 seconds; this person opened their mouth and destroyed the whole possibility of associating with her! I told some this! next thing I know; Im a women hater! confused; I stepped back to understand what was going on here! I found my answer! Low education and ignorance!
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I was at a 12 step meeting where I wont associate with any of the women; I wont! they are all b_tches ; most of them! rude disrespectful people! Allot of them have no conscious; is that my fault! no! I wont associate with them because I have nothing in common with them; I have a conscious! Not all women are like this from these groups! but the ones that are; are! I want nothing to do with them! Why; they are man haters! and Im finding that most of the women that dont like me are man haters! The women that call me a women hater are man haters; thats the truth of it!
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Im a decent person that has been around allot of indecent people! Because of my mental condition I have found myself around marginal people at different levels of society! I have found the less developed personalities seem to create general judgment when they understand nothing of someones behavior! Ive been talked with others more enlightened and intelligent; i do not get these judgment! Instead, the other person will tell me they think Im trying to protect myself because Ive been hurt and I hate no one! and that is correct!
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My real concern is the people I've associated with! The wrong people.
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When I was mentally ill and extremely broken down, I would befriend people who would judge me to my face about what ever they felt! They were all I had! and many times they would call me wierdo, or women hater or lazy, good for nothing drifter, I was called many things! Now, Im wondering how safe these people are! I wonder how safe they ever were! Im alive but around allot of wierdo's! Im around the wrong people to get attention!
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Ive had allot of this kind of labeling by people; usually middle class people; regular world people that dont understand trauma.

I was judged by sociopaths trying to make a name for themselves that could not snowball me; I saw through them; In retaliation; they attempt to wreck my name with so they can keep up a false status level!
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Im concerned by the type of people I've associated with! it has not been my kind of people, and its not been good!
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As for women! I call them as I see them! If I dont trust a women, I back away from her and go my own way. I wont go near her! and in this day n age, many caucation women; I stay away from! Why/ They've taught me to stay away from them! I also stay away from several forms of educated women; meaning, those that have higher level educations and think they are special and above the laws of man and God; Feminists; I guess! those abusing the concept! I want nothing to do with it!
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Here is my rule when dealing with women; if I cant tell them my story fully; who I am; if they have no depth for this; Im not interested in them! I have no time for them!
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Many womenI have found 2 faced! Not all! many! So, why dont I focus on the nice ones and maybe Ill end up around nicer people!
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Chances are the biggest problem is; Im around the wrong people; thats the biggest problem; Im a decent person; I dont hate anyone; I simply call a criminal a criminal when I see them!
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How is a judicial male judge looked upon! if he judges 100 women and they are all guilty according to the evidence presented and puts them in prison; is he a women hater! I think not. What about a female judge who finds 100 women guilty of a crime and sentences them to prison; is she a women hater; I think not; She is a judicial law judge; and I could not say this any better!
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I Believe whats happened here; Im judging peoples behavior as unsafe; they are getting busted and using me as a scape goat! The real question is; when will I find better people to associate with! Im around people for attention; not because they understand me! and its working! God put me in situations like this to survive and change; and its working, and Ive been judged the hell out of by allot of these people.
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I could pin point to the reader numerous amount of women I dont like or get along with; the major problem is; a lack of comparable values! Im not around my tribe! Im not hanging out with people that have the same values! Ive exposed my dissociative condition to the wrong people! If I expose it to man haters; and I tell them what my mother did to me or Grandmother did to me, or other women I know; they call me a women hater; in fact; it caught me off guard to be called this. I would say these are man haters; thats much closer, or they see me of having little or no value; much like the feminist movement suggests; the harder core stuff!
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Again, my concern with all of this! I have to work with God to find better people to associate with! Why am I always getting stuck with these type of people; possibly because my mother and father were a much worse version of this type of person; Its what I know!
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One time in a 12 step meeting, a women blurted out that I was a women hater! is this true?; no; but it gave her status point with her girl group in the rooms; If I take a look at that person; that person has destroyed their family system because they are sociopathic! The question is; What the hell am I doing around these people; cant I find better people to associate with!
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I beginning to see a bigger picture of things; Im around the wrong people on every corner. And this has been a dissociative delusional aspect of my condition; To find anyone to be friends with who would take me in! I would then turn them into caring loving people that were my best friends! I would let them take care of me regardless of the type of person they are! My mental condition brought me to staggering levels of low end people; people of little human decency! As I wake up from my condition I am concerned about the low end type person judging me! This makes me concerned as who I am associating with! IT doesn't matter how many times you try to make sense with them; talking to them, explaining yourself to them; they dont want to listen; they label me to my face with no regard to evidence! Stunned; I finally realize that maybe I aught to be talking with better people; and just get out of that situation!
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Birds of a feather flock together; accept me! I have no tribe; possibly the Trauma tribe! Im lonely, that is the problem; desperate not to be alone; and I have to work with God on this! Im never around decent people that treat me correctly! I gave up long ago, trying to find them! However, now that Im studying success based stuff; Im working on attracting them.
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I have found people to hate me! not because I hate them; Im hated because Im impartial! I have no need for social status at the point of running other people over; their character! I have enough value for myself; I dont need to hate anyone; I hate sociopaths and psychopaths;' that different, and that wont change; I know their damage! personally, I dont hate them personally! I hate the behavior and hanging around those with people of contempt and no conscious.
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Ive seen women and men both try to trap me in my words; " You said this omnicell or you said that" ! and that is their bases for their evidence against me! they thought I was a women hater because someone told them that and then they attempt to claim I said I was one out of my mouth! This is the type of people I've been hanging out with not good! non of it! but I have gotten the help I need and the recovery! ITs any subject; not just women; these people are playing me into the ground! They have contempt for me and my maker and the universe! They think they are the creators of everyones universe; they are above it; or skipping through it while others have to live through it!
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Again; I think the issue here stems around; who do I want to associate with! what are the best type of people for me! Ive been around the wrong ones; Now, I would like to work with the universe for the right ones!
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If I continue to be mourned by the filth that talk this way; this trash! I get what I get; but because of insecurity of loneliness I put up with it! Its like the dark world is my mother and its all I know; how to be abused or around abuses people of no character! They are not my friends; non of them! but I dont care, as long as Im getting fed emotions! The point is; Its the 4 year old in me; the 3 year old in me or the 2 year old in me wanting to be held and taken care of!
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I have to work with God on what I want; the kind of people I want around me; the way Im suppose to act to get attention! One big problem is the past! Im still living in it or bombarded by it! My focus is slowly leaving the past and put on other things!
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What is a focus? I was thinking of the news! ITs big news when a news agency focuses on a story; However, when the news agency stops focusing on that story and moves to another story; the first story is forgotten! This is also what it looks like to focus on something new! When I want a new truck; I focus on that and no more on the old! but how do I stop having feeling for the old; thats the problem; thats where the work is; part of me splits off and looks back in mourning and desire for the past!

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Focusing on something new is what happened to me in a negative sense when I was young; the focus got turned of off me and onto something else by the people I thought were suppose to love me! Their was no such real people; instead, monsters with masks.
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Being stuck in the past; I continue to allow abusive people into my present life that down play me or sabotage me! They talk to me with a smile on their face; but they dont take me seriously and have contempt for me! The real question is; what am I doing around these people; why! Are their no better people to associate with then this!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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