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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1763)
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- April 2024
The beginning of the bigger change
   Thu Apr 04, 2024 7:56 am

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A new solution; Almost

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Dec 18, 2020 5:40 am

So; last year; Im in my 12 step groups and a new girl shows up; something completely different about this person; and very soon Im in love with her; She has tried to come up and talk to me everyday; but everyday I freeze up... completely freeze up... no words; no hello; nothing; silence. And this will go on for months n moths but she keeps trying and wont stop..
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I never stare at her nothing; I ignore her. finally; one day working with God and working on my dissociative problems; I get the go a head within myself and the universe; I start taking people out on the steps and talking to them; she is one of them; I talk to her twice. However, Im impressed but wont admit it. I slyly ask her if she wants to write a rap song with me. She doesn't follow through the next day and I write her off.
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In the summer at a camp out; I'm on a boat with a few guy friends; Im trying to become more social; I need it safe; suddenly these girls show up. and sit next to me and trigger me; and she is the one sitting next to me and she tries to talk to me and other things; I go into freeze Mode and shut down completely. Finally some how; they are all gone or have left the boat; I dont talk to them again during the camp out. later I refuse to talk to her; she is flirting and merriering other guys and sending her energy their way; I clam up and go away. After getting home and at meetings; I refuse to talk to her... she continues to say hello; Finally she says hello for the last time. About a month later a young man comes to the meetings; and immediately they take a liking to each other and I have to watch this... And soon at park meetings; they are all over each other with the courting process. And I have to watch it... She doesn't care about me or that I have to watch this...
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They hook up and are a couple; Im out as if Ive never been... later they will target me; rub it in my face; bulling me and in a planned covert way....
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After writing this; maybe it was a great idea I never got involved with this person; The reason I wrote this; I need help to talk to women I like that I freeze up around; so im willing to get the help I need. However, After reading this; maybe its time to tell God to take me to the right women who are not monsters like this... No wonder I clammed up...
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Anyway; the point of the writing was; I can clam up around a women I like; I can go into freeze mode for a very long time...
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Again; maybe the solution is to go out with women that dont cause this freeze up... maybe its time to try that.. either way; outside help and practice are needed; Im not going to come up with a solution for this within my own brain at the same time.

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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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