Im getting close; or closer; its working; the whole of the goal from many years ago; its kind of paying off a bit; Im in the right direction; many things are showing up; Im still a train wreck from the break downs; and as usual; the general normee-world does not understand at all; thats OK; Im surviving; Im slowly getting used to people again and interactions; its hard with CPTSD; its real real hard; scary; my nervous system does not want to go through what it went through in the past; it will protect me from damage; especially the war level damage that occurred from before; the stripping of my young life; torture; its that simple.
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My nervous system will not allow others to take my life as before.
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However, my not hiding in my room; Im out and about making things happen for me or making preparations happen for me to be around others in new social situations and its showing up around me.
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I write allot of stories about my new life; the one I claim in my writing is all ready here; and I thank the universe for that all the time. And Ill keep it up n up n up; until it shows up in front of me; the key is to believe. And to believe I must write stories; its called scripting; and I do allot of it; and visualization. more scripting these days.
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The key is to keep at it.
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The key is to keep going and going and going; more meditation, visualization and writing stories about my future as if I all ready have it; and keep it up; the idea is; write new stories about my life that dominate over the old ones; and their it is.
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My thoughts are thinking me; Im attempting to get my mind back in control where Im thinking my thoughts.
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Im still disturbed; but Im getting stronger in other areas; the areas where I had break downs are still affected; especially from CPTSD>
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More work ahead; Hm?.... Its like?...... Im digging trenches around an over flooding lake in order to keep the water in; create a wall around the lake; I know what to do; However, someone has to go out and do the digging. And its a tremendous around of work; digging those trenches is like writing those new stories of my life; thousands have to be made and created; maybe many more; it takes what it takes; might take 10,000 until Im finally pushed to move on it; change; it takes what it takes; sacrifices have to be made if I want change; I know what to do; just like the worker knows what to do when the water over flows; get out the shovel and start working.