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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/a_few_more_months_b-5239_sid-6fd3c5b24d8b4d18e63fc0d2445f0766.html

Author:  OMNICELL [ Fri Aug 30, 2013 1:17 am ]
Blog Subject:  A few more months

Im forcing myself into intimate social situation that I may learn to banter back and forth, fight back, respond and learn to protect myself. All is practice! All is causing me to wake up! Not easy!

I got some inheritance! i spent it, Im on SSI! I was getting the jitters, I bought all new stuff for my mountain bike! I got the wrong parts, and had to send them back, this cost me a bit to return. I then put the money on gift cards! The remaining money was for the bike shop! I spent most of it long before the bike got repaired. SO;

I spent money without reporting it: I attempted to look into it later, and found I was under the amount I could get docked for; so Im OK.

I got the send back items returned with insurance and the new items will be here shortly and the bike shop can continue to put the bike together.

I have extra money, Im heading to prepay at the bike shop, what is left on the cards.. and some extra cash will work! its just enough!

Its so easy to have my ducks in a row, then loose everything quickly. I lost several hundred dollars in a few days over nothing! I lost it and went wild for a few days... However, Everything is basically back inline...

Im not sure what you call this! Laziness.. it was stupid, I was to lazy to take care of business, and business got out of hand. Im now starting to wake up again and get quick about things...
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Im in a world of shallowness! The people that have been helping me are regulars and do not understand psych disabilities.
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Friendships: hit and run!

If I hit and run when I say hi! it indicates I want nothing from the other person, yet, Im glad to see them! they owe me nothing, and Im just saying hello! no judgment, no neediness... Im learning! and in the real world, It is much harder to practice,, it is scary!
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I must remember God and my serenity! I feel best when Im alone with God within 4 walls and I feel safe.. Its easy to loose this serenity in the outer world.

Ive been thinking about old age.. All I ever wanted was for my Dad to love me! He did not! That destroyed all hopes I had in this life. However, After my death, I rose again. God resurrected me back to another life on earth and not in heaven. Im still coming back to this life! I have much ways to go!
I feel like Im in my lost teenage years again! Im just starting, unfortunately I feel that aloneness that I remember! Things must be different this time. I must wake up and look around! and I must remember who I am! Not letting anyone take me again! or destroy me or my identity!

ITs all so very hard. However, Im getting better. I must remember the dead, and keep looking up the fallen from this society, that I remember where I came from and that Modern societies are nothing more then organized murder! God be with all the children that will be destroyed this year, that includes the teenage children and the adult children that cannot take the continued bashing of despicable humiliation that is hammered on them daily. May they rest in Peace, and I pray that God remember them; I know what they went through, God be with them!

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