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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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A different place

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat May 17, 2014 4:22 am

So, Im at a different place! Im starting to become social; Now, I have girls calling me! Meaning, Ive created enough attraction with them! and Ive learned to back away from them; they are calling me! But its just starting at the ver beginning of the beginning...

I need more confidence! Confidence in asking others out! Im scared because I have no life! Im honest about it! Im trying the best I can!

The girl at the store who I thought showed signs of liking me, scared me to death! I was not prepared for her to like me! I ran! Ive never come back! Possibly if God wants me to go back I will. So far, nothing! Just fear! Fear at the core. I don't know what that means! danger; I don't know.

Biggest problems;

1. Dealing with the strange romantic situations;

A. 2 years ago, a women came to the meetings and liked me. If caught me off guard. I liked her, but could only stare at her from across the room. I could never show my real feelings. However, I would share about my deep self to the group. I could never go near her! Finally a dance was coming up! I ended up at that dance! I danced with her all night! It was assumed in the morning we would get to know each other be a couple. It never happened. Instead, my Dissociative Disorder took over and shut me down for 6 months. I had to leave the meetings and stay away from people. I had gotten to physically close to this women at the dance! and in the morning I seized up psychologically!

I returned to the meetings 6 months later; the women was gone! and I was on a new journey in my recovery process. Finally, lately, as I am now able to interact much more; the girl shows up! I have not seen her for 2 years.

She has very little interest in me! Im a throw away she became frustrated with 2 years before! However, yesterday and today; instead of staring from a distance, I said hello and sat down next to her and talked to her! it was horribly hard. I had been in love with her and Ive held all of it in! I have talked to others about it, but never to her! She was told by others how I felt! She looks at me as a little boy not to be taken seriously! She is dating a very ruthless gutless sociopath convict! So, she has her needs met with her man! Im left some place in LA LA land over this!

I have a need to spill my guts to her! And I might get the chance, but there is no chance of a relationship unless God wants it! its not man made possible; she has to much baggage! Part of the baggage; she does not care or have a conscious about having the baggage!

Ive decided to give her attention until she realizes I really liked her and cared about her; then stop!

Im not her boyfriend, or her friend! Im something else! I could have been her friend; she does not need me as a friend or anything else!

I need her I guess?

So, Im working through my need to know this person and her effect on me when present with her! I would like to get over my feelings for her; what good are they! I will ask God for help!

Many things about this girl I do not agree with!

B. As I open up, I have attracted a women that finds me fascinating! We've gone to the park a few times with frisbee. She called me tonight to check on me! she can't leave me alone! I know she likes me! What if I just want to stay friends... what if I want to date other people! All of this is getting confusing!

So, its slowly upon me! Im using techniques I continually study. I use techniques that keep things " push pull" it makes me appear fascinating to women!

Im learning to go over and talk to them, not be so scared! And that is working!

I have to ask God about people! and not worry about the rest of it. It hurts, Im a bit hard broken over some of it! I have to get over it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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