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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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A car

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jul 27, 2019 5:27 pm

What does a car mean to me?

Ive never had my own car; In my past life; anything under 2o does not count; I was humiliated, demoralized and destroyed. So; I wont bring anything up.
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I would like to move into the a car; meaning; move into the process naturally of knowing why; with the wrong thoughts disconnected; I would like to move into the idea of owning a car. Having my own car; and the money to take care of it. This; I will have to take to the universe; to God.
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One problem with the universe; the universe has been keen on showing me what I'm dreaming about but not showing up with the money; to the point that Im scared of the universe and scared to work with the universe. I hate being treated like Im worth nothing; Im not even good enough to have money show up for anything.
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Im understanding that the pathway for what I want is in my imagination; I have to work with my imagination to get what I want; for the pathway to open up and me see it.
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Its taking allot of work to work with the universe; this is why I don't trust the universe; I could have killed myself 10000 times by now; The universe should have been their for me at once; on the spot. But the universe was not their for me on the spot. Ive had to get to the point of death before the universe might help me; and still; it takes years and years and years of work; and I don't understand because my life fades away..... I dont get it...
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CAR;
So; a gap resides between me and getting a car; the gap has to do with my father; or having someone their as a roll model helping me; but I did not know this. I know I would need this guidance as a kid; but now I know it again; The path of least resistance; This means an adult steps in on my side and helps me or plays that roll model; and that has happened; and I did not know that a roll model was what I needed; the universe knew this but would not show up with one. So many times I could have been more destroyed and the universe did not show up; over over n over n over n over n over n over n over no ver; and I really don't understand. Im trying to understand the roll of the universe in my life... it seems Im becoming aware of the universe; but its not helping to get anything any faster.....

Ive told the universe what I want; nothing happened. I asked for many things; nothing happened.
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I wanted to go to the lake; what did I need; Asian soulmate, Truck, Money; Did anything show up; Nothing...
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I don't get it.
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Did the plans for these things; An Asian soulmate, truck , money; Did any pathway show up; No!
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Im suppose to align with my inner being; did I align using the techniques I was given; yes; I tried; nothing happened.
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Im not sure what Im doing wrong. I feel like the universe does not like me. Im not liked by the universe. Thats how it feels; the universe is not on my side; thats how it feels. the universe will supply me with what I ask for or Im not interested in believing in it.
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The universe can go F_CK itself as for as Im concerned....
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I don't know why the universe wont help me.... I don't get why its taking so long to help me; IT feels like the universe is saying Im not worth it; not worth the effort; over n over n over n over.
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Anyway; The idea is; the universe in my imagination pears me with stuff I need; down the water way.
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whats down the water way; and Im finding its people who show up first to help me; not the item; the child in me needed a father figure concerning certain things. And I may have that brought to me. But its hard to trust anyone; after what Ive been through; thats the major problem; and its humiliating slap in the face to be continually reminded of what others were suppose to do for my life my dream; and they bow'd out on purpose and left me stranded as a child. and did it on purpose. They were using my childhood for their fun; but would leave me stranded as a child. because they payed some attention to me; they made it appear like they would be around me for ever; not so; they were using me and would not be around more then what they could take and leave. they showed me nothing; did nothing for me; and took away any possibility of my potential to learn. I was without any way out; and they did this out of contempt for the human race. Murder'rs
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Ok; back to the car;
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Think of a shore slowly flowing in; the water moves around me; around the lower part of legs or feet; more my feet.... And with it comes the things Ive asked for or signs of them.
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So; a sign concerning a car is showing up; I heard it in someones voice. They spit out that I wanted a car and then they asked about the cost of insurance; and what the problem was; I told them I did not have the money for the insurance or anything else. And this is my biggest gripe to the universe; this always happens; the universe suggests something but never pays for it. And does not show me a plan on how to pay for it; Im at a loss of what to think about the universe....
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The pathways to the money for the car or insurance or maintenance or taxes and license and registration; where is it; Where is the money for new tires and other such things; and general maintenance; like timing belt. ITs frustrating; its all about money. And alignment is what this is all about; I don't know...
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The universe shows up with some of the plans I guess; I can see it; I can see the universe is listening and spiting back to me what Im asking for; NO! not really.... A sign shows up; but no car; And Im wholly tired of signs..... Ive had enough of signs....
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I can see the signals of the universe; and I guess this builds confidence in me; I guess. Im lost; what do I do now; where do I go from here; why does the universe not pick up the pieces at this point.
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I have to truly believe it; I can see things happening.
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Its hard; I have to hang on and grow a little I guess. or I have to participate I guess; I dont know; and I dont know where; where do I go; what direction; I know in my thoughts it must be real first; what does that mean; My imagination has to come up with what I want first...
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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