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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (917)
Archives
- June 2019
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
Visualizations
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Search Blogs

90 days

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Aug 17, 2013 10:05 pm

Waiting!

Looking for changes:

Im working on washing clothing and keeping the apartment clean, those are two big ones , the biggest ones...

Ive used scattered avoidance to hide under. Now, Im slowly working my way out of it because I want relationships.

cloths need to be washed! I was at a meeting today, and I began to sense the guy behind me! It was gross, I ran to the other side of the room! if that is what Im like around others, I have to change things, specifically if Im going to get a girlfriend.

The apartment has to be organized and clean. Something has to change at home. Im hiding and avoiding.. Ive got to pray and come up with something other then a messy apartment!

Im working on art work again!

--------

Social interaction has increased about 10% on a steady flow!

Im starting at zero! Im at that point of pure mental illness problems getting in the way! Im looking forward to changes in this area. Im looking forward to learning how to handle the PTSD dissociative problems when around people!

I have my work cut out for me! Lots of work in this area.

Looking back at my memories, I see all those years without knowing what was wrong with me, therefore, I could not work on the problem!

I have allot of retracing to do; lots of humiliating memories! I have to work past them or through them. I had my whole life ripped away, I remember up to the age of 9, then again, 11 I think, then 14, 15, parts of 16, then I was gone! Not sure.. So many blank spots... and not one person cared.

If you do not ask me who I am, or care about my story or you repress my identity, you are no friend of mine!

neglect is what the nazi's did to the jews in the ghettos of Poland; letting them wonder around the streets until dead! How horrible! and Ive been through my own version of this by those who had contempt for me and for children and for the human spirit, truth, honestly, God, and decency.

Is it not possible to find people or the right people to care about me!

I was driving with someone today! I do not drive, I do not have a car! I asked for a ride, that was a plus thing!

The person driving the car was OK. She allowed the conversations to lead into semi private areas, However, there was this feeling of keeping everything surface unless I was her friend. Obviously I was not her friend...

Im an intelligent man, I hate it when Im with someone that holds me out of the general group. I have no " in" Im left out!

Im, learning, Im slowly developing!

Im praying for the next 90 days or 6 months to uncover a stronger me!

I went through my own holocaust! and ive lived to tell about it! It was unfair! I did nothing to deserve what happened to me! It should have been illegal! I am just barely starting to have the strength to come out of it. The future will tell how well I do!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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