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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
Archives
- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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90 days

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Aug 17, 2013 10:05 pm

Waiting!

Looking for changes:

Im working on washing clothing and keeping the apartment clean, those are two big ones , the biggest ones...

Ive used scattered avoidance to hide under. Now, Im slowly working my way out of it because I want relationships.

cloths need to be washed! I was at a meeting today, and I began to sense the guy behind me! It was gross, I ran to the other side of the room! if that is what Im like around others, I have to change things, specifically if Im going to get a girlfriend.

The apartment has to be organized and clean. Something has to change at home. Im hiding and avoiding.. Ive got to pray and come up with something other then a messy apartment!

Im working on art work again!

--------

Social interaction has increased about 10% on a steady flow!

Im starting at zero! Im at that point of pure mental illness problems getting in the way! Im looking forward to changes in this area. Im looking forward to learning how to handle the PTSD dissociative problems when around people!

I have my work cut out for me! Lots of work in this area.

Looking back at my memories, I see all those years without knowing what was wrong with me, therefore, I could not work on the problem!

I have allot of retracing to do; lots of humiliating memories! I have to work past them or through them. I had my whole life ripped away, I remember up to the age of 9, then again, 11 I think, then 14, 15, parts of 16, then I was gone! Not sure.. So many blank spots... and not one person cared.

If you do not ask me who I am, or care about my story or you repress my identity, you are no friend of mine!

neglect is what the nazi's did to the jews in the ghettos of Poland; letting them wonder around the streets until dead! How horrible! and Ive been through my own version of this by those who had contempt for me and for children and for the human spirit, truth, honestly, God, and decency.

Is it not possible to find people or the right people to care about me!

I was driving with someone today! I do not drive, I do not have a car! I asked for a ride, that was a plus thing!

The person driving the car was OK. She allowed the conversations to lead into semi private areas, However, there was this feeling of keeping everything surface unless I was her friend. Obviously I was not her friend...

Im an intelligent man, I hate it when Im with someone that holds me out of the general group. I have no " in" Im left out!

Im, learning, Im slowly developing!

Im praying for the next 90 days or 6 months to uncover a stronger me!

I went through my own holocaust! and ive lived to tell about it! It was unfair! I did nothing to deserve what happened to me! It should have been illegal! I am just barely starting to have the strength to come out of it. The future will tell how well I do!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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