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OMNICELL
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75

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jun 18, 2012 3:13 pm

"Its all a game; memories. Im Afraid many people have come from a community and family system like mine... Many people at the state Pen are from from over exposer to dysfunctional systems.
My mother was a sociopath that sadistically hated men and children... My father was a sociopath that abandoned anything. What a bizarre combination. I had no relationship with my mother and a false relationship with my father. . She was a stranger/he was a stranger. As a child I had a fantasy bond associated with that time. Im afraid everything I believed and set my heart on was false. The family system I came from were a family of deviant sadistic creepers.. People of a humanistic watered down description. I was destroyed then erased as a human being.. These were sick people, much like the offenders at the state penitentiary. And the surrounding upper middle class white communities were the same; Sadistic murders soul murderers. if you ever gave them a chance to find innocence alone under the dark with no protection." : run!!

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Im anchored, slowly being maneuvered by 7 tugboats to bring me out of the harbor back down the river of life. Im at the harbor of the ocean. I will probably go back and fourth down that ocean coast of memories a few more times. Its not over. Plenty of dissociations that have over-boarded are still uncovered and worked on. It is not a mountain anymore that I climb; or I shall say, the mountain has plenty of open paths at this time. The paths are smooth and open and solid, much travel is going up those paths, back and fourth, much traffic geographic.. Because of happiness and openness the valley is crying for seekers. Much energy flows back n fourth. Enthusiasm and hopeful energy fill the landsrad.

My mother is the worst of the nightmares, what she did. She was a psychological coward and a bully. like the bully you find in junior high, Only its a psychological game to her. And it is a game; destroying children's lives that she be entertained, that she prove her status and loyalty to her rich friends and not her family. The despicable quality to a sociopath is beyond my scope of question. They will wreck other people if there Ego's are being trampled on. Trampled on by decency and the truth. The truth is good enough.

My only crime; I was born to the wrong race of people. This whole white way of life is so sicking.. its like drinking strychnine and over amounts of sand based vanilla extract. The choking sensation can be defined like the choking sensation one encounters in the torture device of water boarding. "My O my"..!!!! God get me out of here....!! Give me relief...

Cowards attack where they believe there underhanded behavior can get away with it. They feel nothing. Cowards feel contempt for there victims and always will. Most of the victims are decent honorable members of the citizenry. These gutless,deserters look for the weak, they look for the unattended and the shy. These brood of vipers are criminals and they are not interested in changing... They are lovers of Evil; to lie and deceive is a way of life to these vampires. They worship the father of lies from below. The oppressor and the oppressed have one thing in common; God sees both.... No one gets to hide.

When a person like myself has been humiliated, all I can do is move forward, talk to others about the pain, get it out, keep going on. I cant deal with it alone, there must be a group of loving people to help.

The reasons I had problems with my mother and father, or that my mother and father went to war with me; they were not my parent, or real parents. I came through them at birth; not from them. I came from God; God is my real parent. I never had a mom or dad. These people were sociopaths who had found themselves in a family system. They had no ties to anyone. They had exterior ambitions for self gratification, nothing more. In other words. They were ######6 worthless trash creeps that some how found themselves in the opportunity of free people, in this case; children, to destroy them! Poor people of all modern societies, God be with them....

These Creeps care nothing about their own citizens, They hate children and will kill them. They have no respect. No respect for anything. A very watered down bad version of the human race.

Who are what ever this people were, they had no business disrupting my life. My life is and was, none of there business. And these peoples personal lives had no business crossing into my personal boundaries. This is a case of a simple based sociopaths, nothing more. Nothing new here. These types of Creepo's frequent the local district attorneys jails all day long. And the whole of this family system was in this condition. I lost everything: My way of life, my friends, my future, those that I loved, my childhood; any if all personal development was halted and destroyed. Everything was Genocide... I was no more... All hopes and dreams lost as my brain and my mind was twisted and turned inside out. And I will say; the community also turned on me and swept me under the rug as if I had never existed.

Its unfortunate that Evil is part of the landscape. I hate a society that does not protect its children from death by way of Evil intent of others, specifically and more horrifically, " Their own citizens killing their innocent for sport, for trophy seeking, to look good to the country club" And to destroy the innocent children from their own families,. To drive them to the rope, or the shotgun, to create a scenario of self inflicted unrest.These people aught to be killed for such acts of treason, tak'n to the town square and beat'n to death; hacked up with no reprisal.

I was a victim of this American created wrath. I lived and survived much like those fighting in the trenches of World War 1. I had little hope of survival. It was more Psychological and emotional at first,; later it would be physical, sexual terror. Geographical and abandonment issue also played a large roll. And many more things that I will not explain at the moment.


Im attempting to come to grips with the realities associated with this family system, and the adjoining village people of my area. Most of an upper middle class resume; I was a fair weather recipient. I never knew. I thought I had life long friends and girl friends. I that I had a best friend that was closer then a brother. Not so!, As soon as pummeled to mental instability, everyone disappeared without a trace never to be seen again. It was all about social status... I never knew.. all of those relationships that meant so much to me: worthless!. I feel so hopeless and degenerate. How could I have ever given an eye to any of these people. Vermin!!

The goal is to work back to being the decent person I am with the values that I have; see my past for what it really was; let go of all people from the past and move away and never come back... Its possible; this life has been unreal, unbelievable. I hope no one else ever has to go through this nightmare. I almost didn't make it... Its not over yet. I have turbulent trauma rehash to go through...

Many years left to work through....

Specific time periods of 8 to 14. These are developmental years; these are prime target years for the the attack of a sadistic sociopath.

This is the age of the unprotected weak...

Welcome to modern Society!!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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