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OMNICELL
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63 What does love got to do with it; AVPD

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun May 13, 2012 12:21 am

Im AVPD

Through most of my life, almost all of my life; I have never been enough. Yet, Ive been fine with GOd and for a long while as a child, I was OK with myself. Others saw I had a life; destroyed it.

So confusing. Do I love or let them go. My rule has been: if they treat me with no respect then they must go. Yet, what if they respond to my attention in favorable ways. Its really strange. Emotionally Im accepted. Economically; not excepted. For some, economics is more important then who I am as a person.

I don't like shallow people. I never have. What happens when I attract a shallow person. What do I do; right them off; date them, or be friends. What do I do. Should I get to know them first; with the understanding that they may have to be let go. Do they like me, or, is it about the clothing I wear. Is it both. What If the clothing is fake. Should love be based on love or money.

I love you , I want to be with you, You have money and you have love. What!, you only have love, yet its real love, long lasting love. No thanks!, I need money to go with that milkshake.

Im not sure how to deal with Personality disorders that Im attracted to. I don't know what they want.

I feel at times I was thrown away; lack of funds. Its not that I cant talk people into things. I don't want to. Why cant I be accepted for who I am.

Im afraid to communicate with people that are murky. They will say one thing and later mean another. Im not sure what to do.

Ive talked to therapists about it. The answer I got from them: good luck. Your more brave then I am.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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