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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
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A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
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moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
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The Gap
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Teenage years
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finding and painting rocks
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Expressing my feelings
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I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
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Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
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The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
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A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
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Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
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Trapped between 2 worlds
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Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
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Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
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Plans from the universe; they have cometh
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breaking things and coming together
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What am I thinking about
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That breaking point
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Needing my mothers permission
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And another day
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Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
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Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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57 piecing things together

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Apr 29, 2012 10:31 pm

Im slowly allowing my self to trust God as I am pulled forward. As motion is created, I heal bits at a time. The healing is starting on the outside, not the inside. I feel a bit safer then before. Im beginning to be spontaneous with people, from a distance. In addition, Im working with the drums more and more. Ive started practicing again. Real practice; very beginning practice. Ive been riding my mountain bike harder; more jumps. Ive started artwork ; drawing again. A basic 2D animation program has been procured. Im hoping I work with the program long enough to develop basic drawing and animating skills. I was to sick in the past for such interactions or commitments. However, things are changing. Im on that edge of change. This edge will last for a long while. This is not a momentary condition; its a real change. Im scared to death. If I go back to, or am able to creep back to, the land of the living, what will be different this time?. Everything has to be different; I cannot be the same person or I will be hurt again and again.

The Past:

I continue to look at horrific past relationships. In fact, I was going to write about my first love again: I will write about her later. That subject will continue to be brought up for many moons.

Relationships have a theme; disastrous. I must work for change. My relationships were a mesh of mistaken identity:
I like them, I loved them, I valued them; they had no value for me. I didn't know they did not like me, I didn't know I had no worth or interest or respect. Henceforth, from these people I received upper middle class lies; from all. I didn't know, I thought I was loved, I thought I had friends ; a best friend, girlfriends. I was hated from the beginning, I was used, I had no friends, it was all conditional. I had no idea who I was dealing with. I was thrown away by upper middle class elitism. I would trust rapists in the local prison more then these people Iv'e mentioned above. Evil is a horrible thing, the worst thing on earth. I can forgive all, and I do forgive everyone for everything. The problem; these were not people, they were vampires. Its hard to for give demons in the shape of humans. I will forgive all!. I forgive all people.

I have been thrown away by all of the people I have known. All except?, Hmm.. Im thinking?
Im alone now, so, I assume I'm correct in saying ; No one has stayed by my side except God!. This includes all family members except one, and a niece and nephew. However, my niece and nephew have been told about there crazy uncle.This is all about hatred. I have not backed down to these people. It is not alright that others die that these people, the subjects of this blog, live as they wish. And this concept will not be changing from my opinion bank, regardless of who comes and who goes.

I must study the past; specifically relationships and ask; what went wrong.

I am an honorable respectable individual. There is no reason for what has happened to me. Im in a society of spoiled worthless inhuman morons. When the behavior becomes real abandonment, permanent abandonment; murder is the only assertion.

Can anyone be trusted?
Last edited by OMNICELL on Mon Apr 30, 2012 4:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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