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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- July 2019
Writing new stories and meeting new people
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:25 pm
Can I love a women
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:44 pm
Never being loved
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:12 pm
High School
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:54 am
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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52 Self Perception and the perception of others

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Apr 16, 2012 3:22 am

Self perception:

I can look a specific way or ignite a sense of enrichment. Is it me or a perception!. On one hand I look rich while Im poor. On the other hand I can look poor as I am culturally wealthy. Who am I. I pose that question to the onlooker. I pose that question to myself.

I hate predictability. I look or dress a certain fashionable, I am judged that I aught to be the image that I dress.

I act the sophisticate, therefore, I must have monetary wealth or come from wealth. Who am I. I pose that question to the onlooker; to myself.

I cant wake up. My mind is to weak. Ive been here before, many years ago. My mind has been damaged. It doesn't matter what I look like, How wealthy my imagination. It makes no difference who I know, or what potential I have. I have a limited capacity to be present. Within the presentness, I have a limited capacity to engage. I look like I can engage, I attract like I can engage. I cannot engage.
From a distance, everything looks possible. Closer forward, things are not what they appear.

Wishful thinking:
At any given moment, things can go my way. Im having a better day, I look better, More resolute, a sound mind. However, the emotional dissociative barometer reads by the hour, not by the life time. Anything can and will change in short moments. One morning Im feeling sophisticated, looking sophisticated. The next morning I feel like a teenager, I dress and act like a teenager. I have no stability of identity; I switch to often for countability. My mind cannot be counted on. My principals can achieve whiskful solidarity, my mind cannot.

Misperceptions:

I refuse to tell anyone anything about myself. I have associated with people at a distance. I continue to associate with people at a distance. Until someone is smart enough to ask the right questions I will not participate. Unless someone asked any questions, I will retaliate. I will not sell myself to the lowest bidder. I might to the highest. They better have a higher IQ then the average seedPole. Hmmm.

Im attempting to build a life for the third time.
Ive been here before, Ive been to this part of the world, mind inside mind. It feels like walking on a tightrope. I must not fall of off this tight rope. I cannot handle the stress of being thrown to the wolves to be eaten alive.
If I didn't live in America I would be dead, my mind would not survive it. I could never handle the outside world. Im not suggesting all is lost or all is bad, I am learning a new way to live. I doubt I will ever be able to completely function on my own. Alas, My brain will collapse within itself from the pressure. That is the way of things. It is damage. I look forward to getting away from, or staying away from those that refuse to understand this condition.

I will continue to venture out and get well. As well as I can. I owe no one an explanation for this. for my condition. No one!.

Goals:
Learning to connect..
Art continues to grow
New mountain bikes
Telescope stuff would be nice
music equipment
For the future 50%/50% ratio for toys vs relationships. I should have a personal law that implies; for every new toy I must have one real relationship to counter the balance. Isolation vs relationships. I need both.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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