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Consumer 6
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Economic and sexual abuse when a child.
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moving forward in through the past. Learning how to express
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The hard work of things.
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Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Mar 31, 2014 3:33 am

Last 25%; thats what I have left of symptoms that are getting in the way of relationships. 25%!

In this area lay the pain and horror and nightmares of the past! My boyhood that would be stolen from me!

Im trying to get that boyhood back. And I think its coming back; no parents this time! and that scares me and frightens me and makes me feel like a ghost! but I am a ghost with God. And as long as God is with me their shall be no long sleep!

The rooms are crawling in on me through attack.

The girl I liked secretly deceived me and moved on to another guy with bigger arms and bigger status. He is a con man that acted like a friend, while underhandedly seeing this girl, the girl I liked. He is not of God, he is of the devil and does not care, and neither does she! She liked his soul more then mine! What does this tell me! I made a mistake I will take to God! I must bow down and bow out, and slowly walk out the way I came in! I must walk about of the spiders nest and leave and never go back!

And God does not want me around these kinds of trash! I am to come out from among them, not eat and breath with them and get destroyed by them; for they look for every opportunity to take from another; take un-protected-riches! They saw me as a weakling and took advantage of it!

And I must learn and wake up!

He played it very well with me; Good actor! What this means? I mean nothing to these people! I looked up to these people and tried to make them into nice gentle cool people; they were not!

I felt safe with open arms that they would take care of me and mother me and love me! How sad!

I tried to take advantage of them; they flipped the whole thing around and throw me on my face. I need to run out of their with fear and never go back, for the force that allowed them this power is evil! and I must learn to respect evil; That means get out of there and go back to God! Not play around on the outskirts of this castle. banging things I am; around and around, because I lost everything I wanted.

I must take it all to God!

I have an obsession problem; I think Im looking for my mother and father in everyone! and if I find them; I become obsessive or love!

I was taken advantage of from the beginning by con artist! I have to watch this stuff if Im going to survive. Allot of this deception was based on my ego being played and it worked. I was fooled into the ground believing I had it all going -on!

I had nothing going on. Those with little conscious easily succored me into a corner and pulled the mouse trap. It was so easy, they did it over n over n over, because the child in me was innocent and did not know someone was taking advantage of me. These people are child haters! they hate the child in me! and everyone else's. There father is of the devil!

I have to prey this one out! it will be hard for a few days to look at my role in it! and its about ego and letting go and letting God. Taking it back to God on my knees explaining that I tried to go out into the world and be the man, and I got destroyed once again!

It sucks when these type of creeps can get away with it; get away with it easily! I must have had my head up my ass and in the sky at the same time. F#ck! "Taken, or had"!; they got me, they robbed me, they left laughing all the way to the bank.

Now Im left with the pain!

I must learn to respect the evil! I must! I have nothing going on in this realm! Its so hard to let go of evil, let go of ego! They got me on this! I have to prey this out. They were my enemies playing me the whole time from the beginning! I never had a chance! I was succored from the beginning! I must learn to keep forgiving and get the hell out of their! or they will bring me to hell! they are not my friends and never will be! they are evil people and always have been! I must wake up!

I thought I had it easy! I had an easy runway to easy street. It was all set up by cons waiting for and innocent gent like me! I got taken, I got succored, now I must move on!

My goal is to get over these people and never see them again or associate with them again or be in their space again or let them in mine! I must learn to back away!

I have to look at this as; next time do not be so naive with people in these rooms. They have always been this way! They are players, they are dangerous.

I have learned many moons ago, the problem; Im seeing or projecting my fantasy onto someone that does not exist! I made this girl out to be this nice girl with a conscious! she was not! and I am left the fool for dreaming. I got slapped. While I was dreaming another man stronger then me, came in and took over! with no regard for me! he felt it was easy because I had no strength to fight back! and he had no conscious! and she is attracted to people with no conscious!

And all of this in the meetings I attend. So, Im learning to concentrate on the meetings and the message and not the girls or the herd! The "child-me" would like friends and people to love me. I seem to forget where Im at. And this is the work I have for the future!

The work is; Feel, deal, and heal! learn from my mistakes and keep growing and going forward! I wish my father was alive to help me!

He is with God!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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