Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1248)
- August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

23 dec; 2013

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:41 am

As I struggle to get stronger , I falter and get pounded down, Im being blocked at every angle. Im blocked like a criminal and Im hated. I have no one in my corner ( Im alone). The people that are in my corner or say there in my corner are the ones helping to block me. Its all very difficult and hard. Im dealing with spiritual thieves and murderers. I need never forget about the 8 year old indian girl they forced to marry in her wedding costume; I saw her sad eyes; so scared and lonely and confused… and her 40 year old husband killed her on the wedding night by ripping her insides to pieces. What a society! Its not a joke living in this mess!

Ive been hated for most of my life; they're still continuing with contempt. Its at the core; its everywhere; The meetings, all the meetings, its with the payee, or others that are helping with other things. Its like dealing with murderers all day long! I might as well be in a prison.

The only person that ever really cared seemed to be my father; that was for a little while when I was a child; and thats it! the rest of the world is trying to hold me back or hold me down. And my father was just helping himself! He never really knew me. I had a girl once in the meetings like me! She liked me! it still freaked me out! I never jumped on it! I missed that opportunity!

Im on my knees all day long. Well, not enough. I have to keep taking it to God. People are trying to destroy me as I learn to go forward. Its horrible and it makes me sick. Its humiliating and degrading and demoralizing. Its not personal I think. They are trying to block me from going forward because I’m not supporting there efforts. They are trying to sabotage me. And I go through this all day long. And its real! the problem is the quality of people that has been helping me; The quality is low! I need better people! In order for this to occur, I need to feel safer inside and better about myself and have better boundaries. Im in a real struggle right now to establish myself. I feel Im in a desert with no water!

I will have to ask God for help. Im not sure where to go to get the spiritual help I need to go to the next step. where, when, how, why!

My mother has nothing but contempt for me. It was pure hatred; she was a sociopath. Because she was a sociopath I forgave her as I forgive all people. However, it seems to be coming from allot people, and I did nothing to them.

Im not of interest to anyone so I am not supported. Im not loved by anyone, yet, Im worthy of love. None of this is making any sense to me! No one is helping me where I need the help. Its all very frustrating, scary and confusing.. I can't be myself. Im being blocked from being myself. Im being choked out of being myself on every corner and every direction and degree.

Im not giving up, Im fighting back. I don't like this. Im trying to learn to by pass this. Its horrible.
I need to keep my wits about me, trust God and keep going. I must remember the world I live in. This place is a nightmare... I have to keep my wits about me and keep going... keep trusting God to heal, feel, and deal.

I will spend it alone. And that is OK. The rest of the world does not want to spend it with me. However, IVe been invited for a Christmas eve at someones house, and a new years party for my 12 step group. So, Im grateful. However, something is always wrong. Im never being treated for my worth. Im always being stamped out. Im not sure what to think of it! I have to work on this. Lots of people tying to hold me back or hold me down.

I do not have a way of defending myself. This will come next at another time. Now Im learning how to interact again, and Im getting murdered all the time. Im getting pummeled by people that don’t care about me or my future.

People are making it impossible for me to relax and feel safe when Im in the outside world; its horrible.

Im slowly learning to give way, away from my parents! or the happiness I remember and the way of life that was taken from me and is gone. I will be OK I think. I will start again! its just so humanly sad. Ive never seen anything like it! Why someone would force me or anyone else to go through what I went through. I know they are sociopaths! and this is that answer; it does not make it any easier. And my chance of survival was small; and that is horrible. And so many others will not make it or will be living-zombies with a shortened life. None is fair on this planet. its all crazy!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 8621 times

Who is online

Registered users: ArbreMonde, Bing [Bot], ColbyNes, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, krakow, Majestic-12 [Bot], Snaga