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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am

I hear many people talking about the 1970’s as if “ that was the period”; that was the time; the place to be; everything cool came out of 1970; No it didnt; It ######6 sucked. It sucked the big one; It was a waist of 10 years. the decade before it; now thats where the real world developed.
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It was 1966 and Star Trek was on Friday nights; and I was loving it; watch every Friday; I had it all picked out; my shows. I love it; I always wanted to be James T Kirk when I grew up. I wanted to be an Actor just like him and be on a movie set. And many other things I wanted to be...
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And then I was destroyed; around 1972. the era of the 60’s ended about 1972 1973- and then it went into disco dancing and all this other ridiculous clutter. The only good that came out of the 70’s was the reemergence of skateboarding; In, around 1975, bowl riding and new skate board types started showing up. Rich kids turned their parents pools into mini skate parks; I was invited a few times. We kids: would go all over looking for old reservoirs; concrete spillways that were empty or not in use; and skate them. For me it was all a horrible time; I was thrown away and living somewhere else with no parents. School was a complete non existence.... I was traumatized to the point of non ability in the school system; CPTSD would stop my ability to function; no one cared. This would continue into college.
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Back to the story;
Im watching Star Trek and many other shows and looking at what I want to be when I grow up. And then Im destroyed. As I wake up now; 50 years later; for the first time; I have the opportunity to participate in life again; but it will be hard; very hard; I must break through some CPTSD dissociative walls of steal; and this is going to hurt; lots of screaming and rage... And its an opportunity; like; we are the opportunity to send a man to mars; However, how hard will it be? ITs just an opportunity.
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The child in me; as he wakes up wonders; “ Hey, I can now become captain Kirk” And then suddenly the child in me ask me a question; “ what year did you say this is?”; to the shock and horror of my inner child; its 50 years later before I get to start my life.
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Better late then never?
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Schooling was completely destroyed, relationships never started, money never developed. Nothing; no talents developed; never used regardless of potential; and no skills developed on talents. And allot if not all of this has to do with neglect, and abandonment and shear CPTSD and dissociative disorder and the anxiety of ever getting close to that anxiety wall that stops me.
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I dont know how I should feel about this; happy or sad.....
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I believe I can accomplish the 2 goals I have set before me; they are simple but not so simple; and I must go one step at a time. I must humble myself and realize; Im simply trying to accomplish the goal. I must break through dissociative disorder; and that is an art form; but I have people working with me to be accountable 2. And its all business; not emotions; step by step to getting the job done; thats what Im learning these days. I have to start somewhere.
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Going back into reality is not fun; I had no preparation for reality when young; nothing. I was stripped of everything.
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So; being in reality is a place of poverty and nothingness but fear and anxiousness. However, today, I have the ability to write scripts about my new life; and this keeps me present and on top of things.
Last edited by Snaga on Mon Jun 24, 2019 5:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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