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Misstrust
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2018 12:30 pm
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- May 2018
OUR EMPATHY IS POWERFUL
   Wed May 30, 2018 12:46 pm
Off my meds... Off my Rocker
   Fri May 25, 2018 11:00 am
No amount of sleep can help this type of exhaustion
   Tue May 22, 2018 12:54 pm

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OUR EMPATHY IS POWERFUL

Permanent Linkby Misstrust on Wed May 30, 2018 12:46 pm

I am a Nurse... been in the Nursing field for 18 yrs...
Having BPD in this line of work is a blessing and a punishment... at work I can keep my mind busy... it has structure... and is very task orientated... the daunting task of caring for the terminally ill is daunting... watching others in the grieving process, holding the hand of someone's loved one as they take their last breaths... being able to maintain professionalism and give all the compassion as if it was one of your own... it can be grueling with no emotional center... I cling to what I do... I know for 12 yrs a day I'm must uphold my emotions no matter how difficult it may be... when I punch out at the end of my shift... alot of the time all hell breaks loose... either I just want to be comatosed due to being so emotionally overwhelmed, or I'm ready to rage when my Guy asks how my day was and I dont appreciate "the tone" in his voice... or I think he looked at me in an odd way (the sun coulda been in his eyes LMFAO)... it's all the same to Me

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Off my meds... Off my Rocker

Permanent Linkby Misstrust on Fri May 25, 2018 11:00 am

I moved to Tennessee 6 months ago from Upstate NY... and been off my meds since day one of moving here (I did wean off Effexor prematurely, a horrible experience in itself)... I'm in insurance limbo right now with starting a new job...and my compliance with my medication has never been on point. But this experience has proven I really need medication to partly help keep me balanced. Feels like I'm sliding off a "Rocky Top"... I'm a mess, my career is one of the only things that keeps me from totally losing it... Moving 1000 miles away is stressful enough... Throw some crazy on that and it's been DRAMATIC!

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No amount of sleep can help this type of exhaustion

Permanent Linkby Misstrust on Tue May 22, 2018 12:54 pm

Brand new here... I was diagnosed Bipolar 5 yrs ago by my MD... I know I have been misdiagnosed. My father had a BPD diagnosis, and I have sought out every bit of info about my signs and symptoms... I score 10 out of 10. Self Harm, Lack of emotional control... violent rages... alcohol abuse... promiscuity... a line of disastrous relationship... lack of self... clinging fear of abandonment... and most importantly SPLITTING...I mentioned this to my Dr... "You are not a Borderline, they are creepy"... she sent me to a shrink (whom treated my grandfather, my father refuse treat even after diagnosis)... put me on meds and called it a day... I'M SO EMPTY... down at the bottom of this hole... I'm exhausted from trying to crawl my way back to the surface...

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