Michael - 17 - Original

So my system is very... confusing, right now. It's difficult for me to enter or see how it's doing. I keep feeling like I'm going to switch (co-consciously), then I have no idea who's trying to come forward and if someone does it's brief then they're gone. It's led to many hours not being sure who I am and it's making me feel honestly a little nuts. Like, I just want to be able to put a name to myself, yknow?

Well, for right now, I know I'm Michael, definitely. I don't know where Eli went? They might still be here. I mentioned how I thought that integrating might be good for us and then they disappeared for a while. I finally feel them back now. They're very quiet but it's nice to have their presence.

I wish I could more easily go into my inner world; it hurts to be so disconnected. Something happened in the system I won't go into detail over (too personal), and now this is happening. I feel almost like I'm locked out here?? Is that possible? I just want to talk to everyone.

I just talked to Harley, it's odd because I keep thinking I'm talking to one of the others but it doesn't feel or sound like them. I'll probably be making a post on the DID forum because I have no idea myself.

Until the sun shifts! <3

Do you think they withdrew, at the idea of integration? Sometimes the misery of the known, gets clung to, in the face of the unknown, no? Maybe they just needed to withdraw and feel safe a while.