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Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2019 3:39 am
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- March 2020
TW Trisha Paytas Drama & Harsh Words
   Thu Mar 26, 2020 2:23 pm
It's been quite some time, wow
   Sun Mar 22, 2020 10:49 pm

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Who I Am???

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Fri Nov 29, 2019 4:31 am

Michael - 17 - Original

So my system is very... confusing, right now. It's difficult for me to enter or see how it's doing. I keep feeling like I'm going to switch (co-consciously), then I have no idea who's trying to come forward and if someone does it's brief then they're gone. It's led to many hours not being sure who I am and it's making me feel honestly a little nuts. Like, I just want to be able to put a name to myself, yknow?

Well, for right now, I know I'm Michael, definitely. I don't know where Eli went? They might still be here. I mentioned how I thought that integrating might be good for us and then they disappeared for a while. I finally feel them back now. They're very quiet but it's nice to have their presence.

I wish I could more easily go into my inner world; it hurts to be so disconnected. Something happened in the system I won't go into detail over (too personal), and now this is happening. I feel almost like I'm locked out here?? Is that possible? I just want to talk to everyone.

I just talked to Harley, it's odd because I keep thinking I'm talking to one of the others but it doesn't feel or sound like them. I'll probably be making a post on the DID forum because I have no idea myself.

Until the sun shifts! <3

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Been Forever I Guess

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Tue Nov 26, 2019 7:27 pm

Michael & Lucy/Eli (Eli's a nickname sorry) - 17 + 16 - Co-hosts

So It's been a bit. I'll catch up.

So Eli's doing a lot better. They've been able to show back up and help host again. Things have been better, really quiet, but better. I feel like a lot of people have some things to say right now so we'll probably be switching around, but things are mostly in control. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but Eli and I (Michael) are pretty blended since we've been co-hosting for so long. It can be hard to differentiate between us sometimes so if we sound confusing or I do or whatever I apologize.

So we recently brought up our trauma, that Eli and I have been mostly keeping under wraps and denial. We talked to our T and psych about it, finally opened up. It was hard but we did it! They both finally understand better. I also have been doing the rather not so wonderful thing and attempting to regain memories of bad times, solely because I feel like I want proof that it actually happened and I'm not just making things up. It might sound weird or ridiculous, but that's what I did.

It ended with bad dissociation and Riley showing up who then tried to bring it up again and then boom I had no idea who I was and contacted a crisis line. I learned someone who really likes birds and has a separate mother than our biological one came out? The crisis line dude was really really nice and understanding so shout out to my main man out there.

I'm gonna help Lilly try to write now.

Lilly - 5 - Memory/trauma holder?

Hi I'm Lilly. I am 5 years old and I like horses and puppies I would like cats but they scratch me a lot and don't like me well at least Jasper does. I've been real good and I want Christmas to come soon. I can type all by myself kinda well Micael is helping me a lot but I am good Harley is happy I love to see her smile. Well I'm gonna go play bye! Have a good day!

Harley - 25 - Protector/Caregiver

Hey I'm Harley if you can read. This person Mick here has a world of problems they refuse to talk about and they don't like me typing this but they're in looooooooove with this guy and it's worrying the heck out of them. Sorry I'm not allowed to swear apparently and I don't care if Mick is complaining about me writing this or not it needs to be said. Honestly I would kick this guy to the curb but they insist he's something special. Well now that this has been said I'm off to help Lilly so yeah see you.

Michael - 17 - Original/Co-host

So I guess that's how everyone's doing? Admittedly it does worry me I guess though I think Harley is being too harsh. Natalie doesn't want to type but she hopes you're all doing well.

Until the sun shifts?

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My first post

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Thu Oct 31, 2019 11:37 pm

James - 37 - Protector

Hey. The names James. Hah that rhymed. So Lucys doing better. yknow things are kind of going pretty okay, Michael keeps worrying about everything so yknow they'll be fine. Things are okay. Theyve been having "eating problems", so here I am to save the day. Keep it chill guys.

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It's been a bit

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Wed Oct 30, 2019 2:16 am

Natalie - 20 - Protector

It seems things are improving. I'm not quite good with this whole "computer" thing, but I'm learning. Also taking queues from Michael. I am so used to calling them Eli. They have been together for so long. Michael is with me, currently. Watching. Things have been going badly, Michael still has dangerous moments of denial that could harm them or the system, purposefully pushing us back and panicking. It's just harmful. I felt like I needed to speak on this. Type on this. I'm not very good but I'll have to learn. Until next time (I quite like Eli saying that at the end of their speeches.). <3

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Time to chill out bro

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Fri Oct 25, 2019 3:37 am

Michael - Original - 17

I've decided to chill and stop overthinking things. They'll talk to me when they're ready, if they don't want to, or they're busy, that's okay. I gotta stop freaking over things like this and go with the flow. I'm good at that for some things, but never health issues. It's a big yikes I guess.

Things are okay. I ate today without doing anything negative about it, which is good, though I'm feeling that guilt. I got a lot done! I'm proud, I don't remember exactly if anyone helped me out 'cause my memory's not 100% but if they did I'm super grateful. Sometimes I don't even notice, the influence or shift is so natural sometimes.

All in all I'm grateful for them. I know I can be a struggle to deal with and they're there for me. Harley was frustrated earlier that, when we exercised for the first time in a loooong time, the body could barely do much. I reminded her that this body has been through a lot of stuff and needs time to get back into the groove of things. I think she understands, I mean she's got a good head on her shoulders and all that.

I met someone else, or someTHING else. Not sure which category to put them in. Jax! A computer alter, kind of. Very techy and stuff like that. I guess is all around maybe? In the background or place to place looking after the technical stuff? Logical stuff? He does have a sense of humor. He's almost... cliche in a way, no offense to him. I like him.

Well, anyway, when the sun shifts, I'll be back to type stuff out. Hope you're doing well if you're reading this! Goodnight! <3

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