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LucyTate
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Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2019 3:39 am
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Lilly, Domina, Jasper, Jake?, and James?

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Mon Oct 14, 2019 2:30 am

Lucy, Original?, 17?

I don't believe I've mentioned Lilly before. She's very young, today I learned 5 years old. She's very sweet, energetic, has blonde hair, pale skin, and bright blue eyes. She's also a strong character.

I also had a cat-like part, maybe an actual cat, named Jasper roam about and come out. He/she, well, acts like a cat, loves to nap. Don't know to much about her/him, other than they have black fur and comes and goes, usually in comfy places when I've been tired. Maybe 4-6 in cat years?

I'll also bring up a teen a met a while ago, I believe named Jake? I'm not sure. I feel his presence sometimes but rarely see him. He's headstrong and fun, energetic, too. Reminds me of Lilly in that way. He has darker skin, tan, and a messy mop of brown hair. I think he has a very slight accent but it's faded very much if he does. I do miss him, I hope he comes around soon. I think he's around 14-15.

There's another I think I named James. He's pretty laid back, and rather mysterious, sarcastic, too. He's come out before when he's gotten too bored and interested in what's going on outside. I actually felt like I might've blacked out when he did, which has never happened before. I guess his presence is pretty strong. He's an adult, younger if I'm correct but I can't be sure.

I just met a ghost-like lady with a name that sounds rather screechy and jumbled. I've tentatively, with her approval, nicknamed her Domina. It just felt right, pretty, and she didn't like "Crix". Her hair is longer and she said she was 35. She went to do something that seemed like an attack but ended up as a strange kind of hug. She does scare Lilly.

I'm very glad I have this platform to write this down on. It's both a community and and place to get information, which I think a lot of people need. It's others struggling with the same kinds of things you are, which can be hard to come by. Honestly since I've been here I feel less like a "fake" or an "attention-seeker" and I'm definitely not "crazy" or whatever.

I did have a mood swing high earlier, but I didn't sink into depression, which I'm relieved about. We'll have to see how things go. I was able to see a creek and grass in my inner world which seems like good progress to me.

Until next time! <3

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Violetta, Riley, and other things

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Sun Oct 13, 2019 3:46 am

Lucy, Original?, 17

Since that odd experience with her, I've been able to talk some. Violetta is rather hesitant to communicate but I've been letting her know I'm here for her and willing to listen. She has spoken out loud on a couple of occasions and even smiled. I consider this huge progress.

I'd say another BIG step is last night when she was able to become co-conscious with me. We laid down and watched some cartoons and let her adjust to fully being in a physical body again. It was a very opening experience for me and hopefully her; I'm very proud of her.

Another thing that happened, which I struggle remembering as it was very late and was rather intense, I met another part I hadn't met yet, Riley. I couldn't really see them well at first. They were making fun and mocking me, and generally aggravating me, when another part who is a very kind, gentle protector, Natalie, came and asked them to leave me alone.

-TW Violence-

They started arguing when Riley actually slapped Natalie. We were all shocked. It becomes a big blur after that, but I think I may have attacked Riley? Or they attacked me, I'm not sure. We fought and it was pretty bad. It broke up and they ran away.

-TW over-

Afterward Natalie and I talked, I think she's doing okay, but probably still a bit shaken. Riley and I talked a couple of minutes ago, while I was writing this. They apologized, which is good. I have a pretty obvious feeling Riley struggles getting along with the others. We'll all figure something out. I'll have to talk with Harley, a tough kind of protector, about how to handle the situation. Honestly, I just want Riley to feel comfortable enough to be able to talk about what's up, y'know? If they can.

I also should mention Riley currently, at least, takes form of someone I met recently when I went inpatient. They act somewhat similar, although they are still definitely different. They share a couple of traits basically. Maybe they don't look exactly alike... I'm still not sure. I guess it's okay to not know sometimes.

-TW Eating disorder-

I have actually been eating without purging for the past 3 days, which rocks. I have a feeling I'll start relapsing back into the habits soon. I hope I can stay strong.

-TW Over-

My anxiety and everything has been pretty normal. Nothing else too out of the ordinary. I'll check back in tomorrow. I have an outing and I'm a bit nervous as to how the others will react, and if they do come out, how my friends might react, if they even notice.

Until tomorrow! <3

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Last night

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Tue Oct 08, 2019 8:27 pm

(TW ALTERS, EATING DISORDER)

-Lucy, original?, 17?-

Well I've been thinking a lot over the things I've learned about my other parts. I'm still hesitant, since this is all new to me. My greatest fear is that I'm making this up for excitement or attention or something. I don't do it intentionally, this is something that just happens. I'm also worried maybe I'm forcing it. Can alters even be triggered by, like, thinking about them? Or calling to them? I would think so but I have no idea. I'll have to learn more about them and myself.

Right now everything in my inner world is strained and blurry. I think it has to do with my eating disorder. Since I began restricting, it's like everything is different. Honestly I denied their help and advice when they tried to get me to take care of this body. I don't think they're mad but it's put, like I mentioned, a strain on things.

Last night I was talking to myself about negative things that have happened, and I got a voice telling me to stop, yelling at me. Then another voice was yelling and saying "Violetta!" over and over. So I believe I met Violetta. She is not coming out now, nor has she before, but I believe she's in an upset kind of pain. I hope she'll be at least somewhat alright, I'll just have to be more careful.

I'm also guessing whoever was yelling her name, since it began as calling out to repeating like an alarm, almost. Maybe her caregiver? An overseer? She was very young, a child, must be younger than 10. I faintly saw her I believe; dark brown bobbed hair and a dress, I think. I can't really be 100% sure.

I thought it would be a good idea to write down things that occur like this, and other things to do with my mental health, and this seems to be a good safe place to do it. Also easy to edit and re-write things if necessary.

Until next time!

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