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LucyTate
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 68
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2019 3:39 am
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- March 2020
TW Trisha Paytas Drama & Harsh Words
   Thu Mar 26, 2020 2:23 pm
It's been quite some time, wow
   Sun Mar 22, 2020 10:49 pm

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Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Thu Oct 24, 2019 2:08 am

Michael - Original - 17

I don't know if they're avoiding me or not. I haven't heard from them since an incident to nights ago where I was pulled back, but I couldn't completely? Harley was taking charge it was like my thoughts became hers which happens a lot I guess. Is that even normal?

I haven't heard from them. It's like they've up and gone. I think they're still there, they have to be, but I can't talk to them. And they won't talk to me. Not even Lilly. Is this because of what happened? Is it because I'm a danger? Are they sick of my destructive behaviors so they've just left me alone? Are they like building the strength or planning how to fully switch or something? MAN I sound absolutely nuts but I'm worried as heck.

I'm just scared. I kept pushing back like Eli, I guess it was me doing that, too, not just them. Refusing help. Refusing to get better with my eating. Did they give up? I feel like not. Maybe they're talking somewhere and blocking me out. I'm scared.

Well I'll be back when the sun shifts. Which'll be honestly, I don't know.

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A bit of sadness and a still ocean

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Sun Oct 20, 2019 9:17 pm

- Michael, Original, 17 -

Not much has been happening lately. Natalie has been pretty melancholy lately, it does worry me. Maybe with all the events that happened? I think she was writing about how the system was under a lot of stress lately. Must be why everyone's so quiet. At least I still have good contact with Natalie and Harley, and Lilly, of course.

Lucy has been slowly recovering. Slowly. They'll need plenty of time.

I met someone new in the system. I young boy, picked the name Tenor. I think it's a perfectly nice name. He's very into trucks, and tends to swear a lot. I've told him not to do that in front of Lilly, and I hope he listened. He's 8.

I myself am doing okay. I've been cleaning and making a routine for everyday involving lots of self-care, which I think this body could use. I think everyone would benefit from it, honestly. I may have been watching to many scary stories and videos online but hey, they're SUPER interesting. I wonder if the others would be interested? Not the littles of course lol, they need sleep, too.

I don't want to keep saying "until next time", 'cause that was Eli's thing. So I'll come up with a different one.

When the sun shifts, I'll be back. <3

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My psych yesterday

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Thu Oct 17, 2019 5:29 pm

Michael - 17? - Original

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. I talked to her more about my alters. She asked me if I was maybe projecting the experiences on this website onto myself so I could fit in. Well, no, I've been in a terrible community like that before, never again. Ever. I also didn't join this site until everything started getting clearer and more intense, that was the whole reason, so I could get answers. I told her that. By the way I do not regret joining, the people on here are honest and lovely and it's helped so much.

She said people with DID will always remember their trauma. I told her I felt like there are things being held back from me, by other alters, to keep me safe and mentally well. I had trauma in my past I remember but it wasn't enough to cause this. She said she didn't want to label it and just wanted me to get help and work with my therapist on it. That's good, I think.

Is it even a thing to have repressed memories? I've read about it and a lot of professionals are skeptical, and I have a weird imagination and it's possible I could just be making it up. That's what I worry about. I know some people on here have experienced that, and I don't want to invalidate them, I'm just doubting myself.

Until next time, as Lucy says.

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Feeling unsure and concerned

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Tue Oct 15, 2019 6:59 pm

Earlier I had an odd experience. I was lying in bed with Lucy, they're usually always out and dominant. They started thinking that they were just crazy and making everything up and started trying to push everything away, for the first time in a very long time, something I wasn't sure could happen, they stopped being out. They were inside fighting and kicking and biting while others held them back.

Now it is me. I am someone who is also there, I think, most of the time. Maybe the original. Pretty sure most always co-hosting with Lucy. I've chosen the name Michael. Lucy is still upset. I very concerned but I'm not afraid.

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Tired and uneventful

Permanent Linkby LucyTate on Tue Oct 15, 2019 1:03 am

Lucy - 17? - Original? - Host

Nothing much has happened today. I've been extremely tired for whatever reason, I could've slept all day, honestly. Luckily I did get up eventually.

I've created a daily routine to get myself back on track. As much as I hate it, I've included exercise, as it promotes feeling more awake and getting better sleep. Getting into shape wouldn't be too bad, either. I also read that dividing up daily tasks and chores to alters was a healthy thing to do, which is something I guess I struggle with, since I'm a bit of a control freak with some things. I'll have to let that go.

Everyone seems to be doing fine, I'm questioning more and more every day if I really am the original. It scares me a lot. I've gotten the strong feeling before that I've taken over the body of someone else, which freaks me out more. What if I'm not important? Or real? We're all perfectly real, I know, but I'm worried.

I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe I shouldn't stress too much over it. If I'm hosting, and I'm not the original, there's probably a very good reason.

Until next time! <3

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