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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Longtimecoming/speak_up_and_be_punished_%28triggers_reader_beware%29_b-2523.html |
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| Author: | Longtimecoming [ Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:02 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Speak up and be punished (triggers, reader beware) |
A common phenomenon with my mother. I have long bouts of silence where I do not contact my mother at all, and those bouts usually last from one to 3 years after feeling exhausted by not getting anywhere but hurt and dragged around to the next mental health professional who again tells me that the problem lies with my mother's unhealthy expectations from me. I ignore her crazy emails, block contact, change my #, etc so that I can live in peace without having to repeat my self, and our story to the next mental health professional. All of the communication that we have done with any mental health professional thus far has been verbal so I guess this is the first time I am writhing down my plight here as I prepare for my final "reference this blog" response to any of my mother's sick emails and mail packages to me. It has been strangely therapeutic because now I know that she has a reference point she can read until A) Something clicks, she connects with something someone writes and realizes that she has to do some self healing for some of the behaviors I have described, before she can have successful relationships with family, or, B) She keeps repeating herself like a broken record, speaking for me, over me, and continues to fail to realize that there is another human being on the other line who is not going to ever understand why she did what what she did unless it's in the form of "I'm sorry that happened and I will stop this because there is an obvious problem happening here with me". The pattern I have had in the past is this. The more I agree to speak, the more I get the stalker version of my mother coming at me with emails and weird packages with barbie dolls, religious scriptures, and the like. The more I try to be truthful, open and straight forward with her, the more abstract and manipulative her messages to me become. After she is finished with compounding the fact that I was only worth $40,000 to her, I get bombarded with youtube videos and poetry insinuating that she is such a savior, a martyr, a helpless mother who just wants the best for her children. Then the cute youtube videos come. Heartfelt stories of mothers saving their babies from disfiguring physical illnesses, puppies and kittens playing with each other, and then bam, a seething email thrown in for good measure and a disturbing youtube video of a dog standing over his owner after he died. It's enough to give me nightmares and believe me it has in the past. Mom-mares happen at least once a month. On my 24th birthday during a time that I had no contact with my mother for several years, aside from sporadic, joint, and weekly 1 to 7.5 hour sessions at a psychologist's office together, I received a birthday gift wrapped and delivered by my visibly concerned brother. A gift he thought, couldn't be a bad thing right? In front of the 15 or so people who had come over for dinner that evening, I opened her gift to find a frightening mix of goods inside of a lovingly wrapped package. There were 2 cards. The first card was a funeral card with a grey silk rose attached, and inside the card she attacked me about the $40,000 I owed her while hallmark "apologized for my loss". The second card was from our family poodle terrier cross Sniffy... Sniffy on the cover of the card, wished me a happy birthday. The actual gift in the wrapping was a self help book about betrayal. The cover of the book was a frightening photo of a rabid dog jumping jaws open, at a toddler through a window. I broke in to tears. Now, after all of these posts here on this forum that my mother has been reading, I have started to receive her emails again. It sure pays to speak up with all of the valuable youtube videos I receive in response to my honest confession. How heartwarming. I can't wait to join her for therapist #9. This will never happen. From: Name <@shaw.ca> Subject: Mothers are all the same. Date: April 13, 2012 10:18:13 PM MDT To: name@hotmail.com Mothers are giants and they all behave just the same. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpAMTOud3bw&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=GTpSxlPzC8k http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2f8fz6vzoI&feature=endscreen&NR=1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvbY7XqyMz8&feature=endscreen&NR=1 |
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