Psychology and Mental Health Forum

Author:  Knoxious [ Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:56 pm ]
Blog Subject:  Diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder

My PhD therapist has recently told me that she will be diagnosing me with AsPD, after 4 months of court-ordered therapy.

The court by now knows that i'm a sociopath, so i took this opportunity to open up fully to my therapist, and get her feedback. I very much value feedback, as knowing where people's heads are at is great when seeking control over other people. You need to know how to micromanage your facial expressions, tones, word-crafting, etc and make it so it's in agreeance with your opponent's perception of you.

Anyway, the question now becomes, am i a sociopath or a psychopath? My therapist even opened up in telling me that she was wondering the same thing. Her main reasons for thinking i could be a psychopath are a) i "play different roles like Ted Bundy" by compartmentalizing, b) i have a legitimate flat affect, and c) i am charming and very high functioning (Graduated college, tested 122 on the IQ test administered by her, and had a stable job even though i've been to prison twice). But she also says she has no idea, because i am so damn contradictory. So this is something i may never find out, unless i go to a forensic outpatient clinic that she recommended to me where a world renowned author on criminal psychopathy practices. I do not plan on spending $1000 out of pocket for the assessment, so here we are.


Author:  Knoxious [ Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:53 pm ]

The verdict now is that i only have AsPD.

She finds me to be too reactive to be psychopathic. Although i always considered myself laid back, apparently it is merely extreme self control which is creating the image of "chillness". I would have to agree with her here.

Author:  Knoxious [ Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:40 pm ]

Got kicked out of therapy for being high (weed). Will update on 2/6 if anything noteworthy is discussed tomorrow.

Author:  Knoxious [ Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:53 pm ]

Today she implied she is still unsure about P or S. She said she couldn't tell if i was genuinely or faking flat effect, which i know to be genuine but didn't say anything.

Then she compared me to Ted Bundy, again, by saying im in therapy for the same reasons he was in mental health field - to learn to be a better manipulator.

She then said i am in a very small percentage of people who get a high off of harming other people.

To top it all off, she said she is certain i will end up killing someone someday. That surprised me.. took east coast bluntness to a whole new level.

Author:  Knoxious [ Wed Feb 21, 2018 3:15 pm ]

My therapist said she's only writing something up to my PO, not to the court. So assuming the court knows i'm a sociopath is irrelevant to my case.

Author:  Knoxious [ Tue Feb 27, 2018 7:50 pm ]

Today was the first day she said i have "strong narcissistic traits" on top of AsPD.

In other news, we discussed my goals for the future, and she said i seemed very disconnected from them, and my ways to meet the goals all involved manipulating other people to do the work for me. Not sure i agree, but i'll think about it.

Author:  Knoxious [ Tue Mar 20, 2018 7:25 pm ]

Today my therapist said she thinks i'm hypomanic, for spending $4,000 gambling, increased in masturbation, and making rude comments/irritability. (BP was diagnosed two years ago, before AsPD).

She read the final report on me, and said that while i was inpatient at various hospitals, across the board the staff felt uncomfortable and even fearful of me. This was a big surprise as i feel like i come off more easy to like. I guess it had to do with my BP symptoms.. Who knows.

Author:  Knoxious [ Wed Mar 28, 2018 8:53 pm ]

Therapist and Psychiatrist canceled on me for this week, so i'm stuck with this.. strange sort of irritable hypomania for another week. Won't have regular therapy for a couple weeks, either.

The fact of the matter is, no one can differentiate a psychopath from a sociopath without a brain scan, or maybe a very carefully conducted PCL-R

Will update in several weeks, if anything noteworthy happens.

Author:  Knoxious [ Thu Apr 19, 2018 8:56 pm ]

Today i had therapy before my psychiatrist appointment. She said it was very interesting how every time she asked who i am connected with, i could only bring up people who served me without much effort on my part. It seems like that is the only type of relationship i'll tolerate.

Author:  Knoxious [ Thu Apr 26, 2018 1:09 pm ]

Again with the one sided relationship talk. And then she says how i continue to choose antisocial life style for the "high" it gives me, as opposed to a sustainable pro-social one, which she says i am fully capable of living.

She said some people would consider my situation rock bottom, but i continue to laugh about it in therapy.

Maybe i'm just not ready for all of this change.

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