So a person who's posted on a thread that I started a long time ago turned me toward a website/app called NOCD and there's therapist who specialize in ocd therapy, I've been on the verge of talking to one of them but this just doesn't seem like ocd I've talked about this before but i don't fear anything and it has nothing to do with thoughts it has to do with the fact that I find men very attractive I just want to to go away so I can go back to my normal life but it's not just that I've masterbaited to men and some times (though it depends) I can have a better time getting off to men than women and vice versa, I also find women's butts disgusting which sucks kissing a woman doesn't seem like something enjoyable I've read a study that said it's less likely for mens sexuality to change and that heterosexual males have less than a percent to change well I seem like that percent. I don't exactly dread the idea of finding men attractive (because I already do) I just hate it and want it to go away. I wonder if this is nature's way of ridding me from the gene pool honestly I think it's won I can't imagine living my life in this state I used to cringe at the idea of finding men attractive I can't enjoy anything thing and I fantasies about my past and how I felt I just want to die but there's still this small part of me that hopes it will change and go back to normal.

Do I seriously have to sit there and find men attractive for the rest of my life. This is literally the closest thing hell I've ever experienced I think war would be worse though I might be hyperbolic